Arnold Schwarzenegger Jokes

Arnold Schwarzenegger is stopped by border patrol and is asked whether he has any sort of legal documentation that allows him into the country He pulls out a polished looking document and says, ""A stellar visa, baby!""

What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when invited to the musician themed costume party? I'll be Bach

Arnold's Costume Choice Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger are going to a costume party and want to have similar costumes. ""I'll go as Mozart, so you should go as another famous musician,"" said Stallone. Schwarzenegger said, ""I'll be Bach.""

What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say to the gym manager when he was joining a new gym? I'll re-rack.

GovSchwarzenegger's musical talents. One day Arnold Schwarzenegger and his two friends Bill and Tom were going for a stroll downtown. Suddenly a man jumped out of a doorway and said ""Help! We've just lost our three leads for our movie on famous European composers!"" Arnie and the boys, ever the gentlemen, decided to help the poor fellow. Once inside, the director told them who the three composers in question were and that they could pick each part for themselves. ""I'll be Mozart."" Said Bill. …

A riddle for today Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one. Michael J. Fox has a small one. Madonna doesn't have one. The Pope has one but doesn't use it. Clinton uses his all the time. Mickey Mouse has an unusual one. Liberace never used his on women. Jerry Seinfeld is very, very proud of his. Cher claims that she took on 3. We never saw Lucy use Desi's. What is it? [The answer is: ""A Last Name."" Sorry Folks...No Dirty Jokes Here!] (/spoiler)

A party was held for current and former actors where you had to come as your favourite musician. When Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked what he was going to wear, his response was I'll be Bach

When asked why he wouldn't upgrade his operating system to Windows 8... Arnold Schwarzenegger replied: 'Windows 8, never! I still love Vista baby'...

What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when he and his friends decided to dress up as famous composers for Halloween? I'll be Bach

What did arnold schwarzenegger say to the chemist Get to the COPPER!!!!!

Who do you get if you cross Arnold Schwarzenegger with Michael Jackson? Michael Wasanigger

Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one, Michael J. Fox has a small one, Madonna doesn't have one, The Pope has one but doesn't use it, Dominique Strauss-Khan uses his all the time. What is it? A last name you pervert.

Arnold Schwarzenegger, Albert Einstein, John F Kennedy and God are on holiday at the Kennedy compound on Cape Cod. One a rainy afternoon Einstein suggests they play a game. So they get out the card table and setup. God suggests Poker, Einstein 500 and Kennedy Blackjack. After a ten minutes of arguments, Schwarzenegger says ""Why don't we just play Yahtzee?"" At that God gets up and storms out. Kennedy turns to Einstein and ask ""What was that about?"" Einstein says ""God does not play dice with …

What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say to his wife when she asked if Christmas was his favourite holiday I still love Easter, Baby.

What did Arnold Schwarzenegger do after he retired? He became an ex-terminator!

Arnold Schwarzenegger's computer Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked if he wanted to upgrade to Windows 8, he replied: ""I still love Vista, baby""

Arnold's new tell all book. Arnold Schwarzenegger just wrote a new tell all book because no one could understand his audio book.

My wife has just left me for Arnold Schwarzenegger. She'll be back.

What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say upon being asked to star in a Broadway production about the world's greatest composers? I'll be Bach. Sorry.

A director decides that he's going to make a movie based on the lives of famous classical composers. Looking for a prospective cast, he asks Sylvester Stallone which composer he would like to play in the movie. Stallone thinks for a moment and says, ""I like Mozart. Let me be Mozart."" The director then turns to Arnold Schwarzenegger and asks him who he'd like to play. Arnold replies, ""I'll be Bach!""

Arnold Schwarzenegger should open a pest control business. He's already an ex-terminator.

Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone are planning a costume party and the theme is composers. Bruce tells the other stars, "I'll dress up as Mozart". Sylvester responds, "I'd be a great Beethoven". As the two are planning their costumes, Arnold checks the time and notices he's late for an appointment. As he hurries out the door, Bruce and Stallone ask "Hey, Arnold, who'll you dress up as? Arnold responds, as he walks out of the room, "I'll be Bach".

They're making a movie about classical music composers... They're making a movie about classical music composers. In the middle of the auditions, Arnold Schwarzenegger walked in and simply declared, "I'll be Bach."

What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when Sylvester Stallone wanted to dress up as classical composers for Halloween? "You be Beethoven, I'll be Bach."

Sylvester Stallone, Jean-Claude Van Dam, and Arnold Schwarzenegger So one day, Sylvester Stallone, Jean-Claude Van Dam, and Arnold Schwarzenegger were sitting together in a bar, kicking back, drinking a few brews, talking about life and talking about the roles they'd played in movies. As the three men talked, each was surprised to realize that all three of them had grown tired of playing the action hero- shooting the bad guys, pulling off life-threatening stunts, and getting the girl in the en…