Wife: "I'm tired of you endlessly misquoting Arnold Schwarzenegger films. I'm leaving you." Me: "You'll be back."

I'm only watching the royal wedding for the bishop. I've always wanted to see a person who only moves diagonally.

My wife reads two books a week and I just told my son that an idiom is a group of idiots.

Kobe Bryant's Wife filing for divorce. I bet somewhere right now Kim Kardashian is plotting..