Timmys Jokes

The Head Teacher Once there was this fantastic head teacher, let's call him... Mr Johnson. He had single-handily turned around the fortunes of three failing schools in his city with his tight intelligent financial control, understanding of the school's inherent needs, and great relationships with all staff/pupils. Recently he had accepted a job at the largest, most run down, violent school in the area. It was full of underprivileged children who were taking their poor upbringings and cynical v…

Catholic School Little Timmy's parents were at a conference with his teachers. Most of his classes were going very well except he seemed to be struggling in math, so they tried and tried to get him the help he needed but nothing seemed to catch on. Eventually his parents decided to put him in a different school all together. A catholic school. A few months went by and his parents decided to have another conference with his teachers to see how he was doing. And to their surprise he was e…

Timmy and Billy compare Christmas presents... Two 9 year old boys, Timmy and Billy, met after Christmas. Billy asked, "How was your Christmas, Timmy? Did you get any nice presents?" Timmy's eyes opened wide. "It was amazing!" he said. "I got an Xbox One with all of the games, PLUS a Playstation, a brand new remote control car, a helicopter, an iPad, an iPhone 6, a drone camera, and all the Transformers toys, and a whole bunch of candy and chocolates, a big cake, and a new bike! I got everyth…

Miss Honey is taking her kindergarten class through the alphabet "So kids," says Miss Honey, "We're going to go through the alphabet today and see what you all remember. To start with, can anyone tell me a word beginning with the letter A?" Slowly little Timmy's hand goes up... "Yes Timmy, what word do you have?" "Arsehole, miss." "Timmy! That is a very rude word. I don't know where you heard it but it is a naughty word which is very mean and you really shouldn't say it. It does begin with…

Little Timmy Is taking a shower with his Mother.. and says, "Mom, what are those things on your chest!?" Unsure of how to reply, she tells Timmy to ask his dad at breakfast tomorrow, quite certain the matter would be forgotten. Timmy didn't forget. The following morning he asked his father the same question. His father, always quick with the answers, says, "Why Timmy, those are balloons. When your mommy dies, we can blow them up and she'll float to heaven." Timmy thinks thats neat and asks no…

Little Timmy's english lesson... ...was about food today. "Good morning class" says the teacher, "today's lesson is about food! Let's start by mentioning things we can eat. Come on kids." Sally raises her arm "bread!" "Very good, Sally!" Says the teacher. "Cornflakes!" says Billy. "Good one, cornflakes! Anyone else?" Timmy raises his hand and yells "Lamps!' The teacher pauses for a moment, confused: "Lamps? You can't eat lamps, what made you think that?" Timmy: "well last night I was wa…

Little Timmy's english lesson... ...was about food today.

Timmy's Thanksgiving Timmy was a good kid. Thanksgiving day he walked into his living room and saw his parents fighting.

Teacher: "I hope I didn't see you looking at Timmy's test paper." Johnny: "I hope you didn't see me either!"