Riley Jokes

"I don't have a racist bone in my body!" --Riley Cooper's girlfriend postcoitus

Riley can be a little girl's name, it's not always a dog's name. If someone says Riley's been sick don't bring up euthanasia right away.

Life of Riley. A man says to his friend: 'I used to live the life of Riley; fast cars, beautiful women and holidays in the Carribean.' His friend asks: 'What happened?' His reply: 'Riley reported his credit card missing.'

Mrs. Dugan and Mrs. Riley were talking one day about Mr. Riley and his constant drinking. Mrs. Dugan said ""I have an idea about how to stop him from spending so much time at the pub. Every night he comes home through the cemetery. One night you should get disguised and spook him when he comes staggering through."" So Mrs. Riley waited in the cemetery one night until she heard her husband coming. She jumped up and a startled Riley said ""Who are you??"" Mrs. Riley replied ""I am the devil!"" …

A new man is brought into Prison Cell 102. Already there is a long-time resident who looks 100 years old. The new man looks at the old-timer inquiringly. The old-timer says ""Look at me. I'm old and worn out. You'd never believe that I used to live the life of Riley. I wintered on the Riviera had a boat four fine cars the most beautiful women and I ate in all the best restaurants of France."" The new man asked ""What happened?"" ""One day Riley reported his credit cards missing!""

Phones After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year outside of Buffalo, New York scientists found traces of copper cable dating back 120 years. They came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago. Not to be outdone by the New Yorkers, in the weeks that followed, a Wheeling WV archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet somewhere just outside Woodsdale. Shortly after, a story in the The Intelligencer read, "WV archaeologists, reporting a find…