"I don't have a racist bone in my body!" --Riley Cooper's girlfriend postcoitus

Riley can be a little girl's name, it's not always a dog's name. If someone says Riley's been sick don't bring up euthanasia right away.

Mrs. Dugan and Mrs. Riley were talking one day about Mr. Riley and his constant drinking. Mrs. Dugan said ""I have an idea about how to stop him from spending so much time at the pub. Every night he comes home through the cemetery. One night you should get disguised and spook him when he comes staggering through."" So Mrs. Riley waited in the cemetery one night until she heard her husband coming. She jumped up and a startled Riley said ""Who are you??"" Mrs. Riley replied ""I am the devil!"" …

A new man is brought into Prison Cell 102. Already there is a long-time resident who looks 100 years old. The new man looks at the old-timer inquiringly. The old-timer says ""Look at me. I'm old and worn out. You'd never believe that I used to live the life of Riley. I wintered on the Riviera had a boat four fine cars the most beautiful women and I ate in all the best restaurants of France."" The new man asked ""What happened?"" ""One day Riley reported his credit cards missing!""