Oklahoma Jokes

You may have heard on the news about a southern Californian man... Who was put under 72 hour psychiatric observation when it was found that he owned 100 guns and allegedly had 100,000 rounds of ammo stored in his home. My favorite quote from the dimwit tv reporter:""Wow! He has a quarter million machine gun bullets."" The headline referred to it as a ""massive weapons cache."" By southern California standards someone owning 100,000 rounds of ammo would be called ""mentally unstable."" Just imagi…

Why doesn't Texas slide into the Gulf of Mexico? Because Oklahoma Sucks!

My love life can be summed up in a joke... This girl who I have been friends with for a while wants to move to Oklahoma with me. We recently started dating but my brain tells me this isnt logical, I need more time. My heart tells me that she is exactly what I need in my life... Then my brain is like, ""Shut up heart! You don't have a brain! The timing isn't right, and we don't have time!"" Then the heart is like, ""shut up Brain, you cant feel! And this feels right!"" And my other organ is like.…

Last month, I asked my dad if I could get a tattoo. He told me to get it somewhere that didn't matter, so I got it done in Oklahoma.

A couple of Oklahoma hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, ""My friend is dead! What can I do?"" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, ""Just take it easy. I can help. First, lets make sure he's dead."" ... There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says, ""OK, now what?…

Oklahoma Thunder & Miami Heat... Can't tell if they are talking about a weather report or NBA Finals.

A Texas family of football supporters head out one Saturday to the outlet mall to do their tax-free back to school shopping. While in the sports shop the son picks up an Oklahoma jersey and says to his older sister, ""I've decided to become a Sooner fan and I would like to wear this to school"". His big sister is outraged by this and promptly whacks him round the head and says, ""Go talk to mother"". Off goes the little lad with the Oklahoma jersey in hand and finds his mother. ""Mom?"" ""Yes so…

There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.

The aspiring psychiatrists were attending their first class on emotional extremes. ""Just to establish some parameters"" said the professor to the student from Arkansas ""What is the opposite of joy?"" ""Sadness"" said the student. And the opposite of depression?"" he asked of the young lady from Oklahoma. ""Elation"" said she. ""And you sir"" he said to the young man from Texas ""how about the opposite of woe?"" The Texan replied ""Sir I believe that would be giddy-up.""

Did you hear about the Oklahoma idiot who married an American Indian? They had a baby and wanted to name it to reflect both races. So they called it Running Dummy.

Did you hear about the Texan who moved to Oklahoma and raised the IQ level of both states?

The only good thing to ever come out of Oklahoma: An empty greyhound.

There are a lot of folks that can't understand how we ran out of oil here in the USA. Well here's the answer: It's simple.........nobody bothered to check the oil. Didn't know we were getting low. And of course the reason for that is geographical. Most of the oil is in Texas and Oklahoma and all the dipsticks are in Washington D.C.

Family xmas problem solved An elderly man in Oklahoma calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day son, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are getting a divorce; 45 years of marriage... and that much misery is enough!" "Dad, what are you talking about?" the son yells. "We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old dad explained. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Hong Kong and tell her!". Frantic, th…

Southern University Psychology Joke At a southern university, students in the psychology program were attending their first class on emotional extremes. “Just to establish some parameters,” said the professor to the student from Arkansas, “what is the opposite of joy?” “Sadness,” said the student. “And the opposite of depression?” he asked of the young lady from Oklahoma. “Elation,” she said. “And you sir,” he said to the young man from Texas, “what about the opposite of woe?” The Texan replied…

Divorce An elderly man in Oklahoma calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day son, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are getting a divorce; 45 years of marriage... and that much misery is enough!" "Dad, what are you talking about?" the son yells. "We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old dad explained. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Hong Kong and tell her!". Frantic, the son calls his sis…

Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened. "First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector", says the Coroner. "Second body: Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile." The Inspector asked, "What of the third body?" "Ah," says the coroner, "this i…

Back in the day Oklahoma use to have a slogan “Oklahoma is OK!”, you know why it was just OK? Because they couldn’t spell mediocre.

Chief Weatherman The Indians on a remote reservation in Oklahoma asked their new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was a chief in modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like. Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared. But, being a pract…

A guy from Oklahoma and a guy from Texas are in the restroom of a road house having a piss. The guy from Oklahoma finishes up first

Do you know why Oklahoma's state slogan is ""Oklahoma is OK""? Because they can't spell ""mediocre"".

Oklahoma asked California about all these earthquakes recently. California said ""It's not our fault.""

Divorce An elderly man in Oklahoma calls his son in New York and says

What do a Texas tornado and an Oklahoma divorce have in common? Either way someone's losing a trailer.

Why is Oklahoma so windy?,"Because Kansas sucks and Texas blows