Ned Jokes

"I'll sleep when I'm Ned!" -Exhausted pre-op who plans to go by Ned after the surgery

I'm sorry did you say your name is ned or bread

Inner peace can be found, eventually Some doctor on television this morning said that the way to achieve Inner Peace is to finish all the things you have started. So, I looked around my house to see things I'd started and hadn't finished and, before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of shhhardonay, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of vocka, a pockage of Prunglies, tha mainder of bot Prozic and Valum scriptins, the res of the Chesescke an a box a chocolets. Yu…

A guy goes up to the Yukon and wants to hear some old Gold Rush stories.... so he goes into a bar and asks the bartender if he knows any old stories. Bartender says ""you best ask old Ned."" and indicates towards a man sitting in the corner in a wheelchair. Old Ned is wizened with a long scraggly beard. He has a comforter across his knees as he nurses his beer. ""Hey, are you old Ned? "" ""Yep"" "" I hear you may have some stories about the Gold rush..."" ""Oh sure"" says Ned. ""I remember one t…

Ned vs Ted Warning: This joke is meant to be told in person to keep friends busy. On a farm, twin race horses were born, Ned, who was older by 2 minutes, and younger brother Ted. Growing up they trained with each other and pushed each other to be the best they could. The day finally came when they were old enough for their first race. The announcer addresses the crowd, ""Aaandddd they're off. It's Ned, it's Ted, it's Ned, it's Ted, it's Ted, and it's Ned by a nose. Ted, disappointed by his loss …

Ned: Boy! Was I ever in hot water last night ! Ed: You were? What did you do ? Ned: I took a bath !

There's only one rule in heaven Three friends, Ted, Ned, and Fred, get killed in a car crash. They arrive all three together at the pearly gates and are excited that they will be let in, but St. Peter warns them, "There is only one rule in heaven, you must NOT step on the ducks, or you will suffer for eternity." The three friends shrug it off, "How hard could it be to not step on a duck!?" St Peter let them in and they were surprised to see that heaven was full of ducks, "What the hell?" Ted …

The most popular man in the world Bill and Ned walk into a fast food joint one afternoon to get lunch. Bill orders and the cashier gives him his meal. Ned goes up to order and the cashier greets him with "Hello Ned! How are you? Hey everybody! Ned's here!" Everybody in the restaurant comes up and says hello to Ned. After everyone has greeted him, Bill and Ned sit down and begin to eat. "Ned, you're pretty popular!" says Bill. "I'm the most popular man in the world," says Ned. "Now Ned," says …

A guy goes up to the Yukon and wants to hear some old Gold Rush stories.... so he goes into a bar and asks the bartender if he knows any old stories. Bartender says ""you best ask old Ned."" and indicates towards a man sitting in the corner in a wheelchair.

So I decided to submit a joke about Ned Stark's head [Removed]

The most popular man in the world Bill and Ned walk into a fast food joint one afternoon to get lunch. Bill orders and the cashier gives him his meal. Ned goes up to order and the cashier greets him with ""Hello Ned! How are you? Hey everybody! Ned's here!"" Everybody in the restaurant comes up and says hello to Ned. After everyone has greeted him

What's Ned Stark's favorite cereal? Raisin Bran

Ned: “There was a man that I saw in the mirror whom I had seen somewhere.” Carl: “Who was he?” Ned: “I think he was the guy who married my wife!”