Mozart Jokes

Mozart So the year is 1791, and Mozart has just died. It's a big deal in Vienna, everyone is sad blah blah blah blah. A few days after he is buried, someone is walking through the graveyard and hears a strange noise. Intrigued by the noise he follows it until it gets louder, louder, and finally he finds himself standing above Mozart's grave. Naturally this is a matter of curiosity in Vienna, and soon people from all over come to hear this strange sound coming from Mozart's grave. No one can …

Sylvester Stallone, Jean-Claude Van Dam, and Arnold Schwarzenegger So one day, Sylvester Stallone, Jean-Claude Van Dam, and Arnold Schwarzenegger were sitting together in a bar, kicking back, drinking a few brews, talking about life and talking about the roles they'd played in movies. As the three men talked, each was surprised to realize that all three of them had grown tired of playing the action hero- shooting the bad guys, pulling off life-threatening stunts, and getting the girl in the en…

So there's this school play... Sylvester Stallone, Chuck Norris, and Arnold Schwarzenegger have to put on a play featuring their favorite musical composers. They each toil over who they will play, until the next day they meet. Stallone goes first. "I'll be Mozart" Next up is Chuck Norris. "I'll be Beethoven". Happy that no one picked his composer, Arnold announces "I'll be Bach".

The Terminator and his friends decided to go to a costume party dressed up as famous classical musicians. "I'll be Beethoven!", said one friend. "I'll be Mozart!", said the other friend. "I'll be Bach.", said The Terminator.

Why did Mozart kill his chicken? Because when he asked the chicken "Who's the best composer" the chicken said "Bach, Bach, Bach"

Why did Mozart kill his chickens? Because they were always saying, "Bach, Bach, Bach, Bach"

I saw herr Mozart and I called after him "Wolfgang! Wolfgang!" >!But it was too late... he was eaten by a gang of wolves.!<

Sylvester Stallone meets up with Jean Claude van Damme, Dolph Lundgren and Arnold Schwarzenegger at a pub. They get a round of drinks in and sit down at a table. “Thanks for coming guys” says Sly. “I’ve had this great idea for a movie about famous 18th Century composers and I wondered if you guys wanted in? I’m planning on playing Beethoven.” “I love the idea” says van Damme. “I’ve always wanted to portray Mozart”. “Yeah, I’m in” says Lundgren. “Cast me as Handel”. “What about you Arnold?” …

A piano player was taking requests. So I asked him, “Can you play a sonata by Mozart?” Him: Sure. Which one? Me: The composer.

A man walks into a bar with an octopus under it's arm ... They make their way up to the bar where the man sets the octopus down on a stool. The bartender (Doug) says "Damn, not another one. Ok, what can your animal do?" Steve replies "You get a lot of talented animals do you? Well, Gropey can play any musical instrument known to man" Doug says, "Ok, let's see a sample of what he's got, and we'll make a deal" Steve turns to Gropey, points to the piano across the room, and simply says "Play".…

What's Mozart doing in his grave? Decomposing.

I hate it when people act all intellectual… I hate it when people act all intellectual and talk about Mozart … when they probably haven’t even seen one of his paintings

Stallone: I'm making a movie about composers, I'm playing Beethoven. Van Damme: I'll be Mozart. Schwarzenegger: Stop it guys, I'm not saying it.

A man walks into a bar He orders a drink and the bartender serves him. The man said "hey, if I show you something really cool, can I have free drinks for the night?" The bartender says, "if you can impress me, then we have a deal". The man pulls out a box and opens it. Inside was a dwarf who was a foot tall and a miniature piano. The dwarf began performing everything from Mozart, Chopin, and even some Billy Joel. The bartender was stupefied and said, "okay, I'll give you free drinks. But you m…

Q: Why did Mozart kill all his chickens? A: Because when he asked them who the best composer was

Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked to play Mozart. Arnold Schwarzenegger has been offered the chance to play the role of Mozart in a new film. He read the script but was not impressed. So he told the producers 're-write it and I'll be Bach.'

What's Mozart up to these days? Decomposing.

Why did Mozart kill all of his chickens? Because they kept running around screaming

A few hundred years ago Mozart was composing beautiful music

I hate people who pretend they're of high culture when they talk about Mozart. They've probably never seen any of his paintings.

Mozart killed all his chickens.. he had asked them who the best composer was

I hate it when people pretend they know everything about culture when they talk about Mozart They probably have never seen any of his paintings.

Why did Mozart kill his chickens? Because they were always saying

Why did Mozart kill his chicken? Because when he asked the chicken ""Who's the best composer"" the chicken said ""Bach

Why couldn't Mozart find his teacher? Because he was Haydn.