Why couldn't Mozart find his teacher? Because his teacher was Haydn. (Stolen from laffy taffy)

An elementary teacher wanted to introduce physiological notions to her students. She asks her class: Whoever feels stupid at times stand up! After a while, little Johnny stands up, grudgingly. The teacher asks: So Johnny, you feel stupid from time to time? Little Johnny replies: No ma’am, it’s just painful to see you standing all alone.

Grandpa Me: My grandpa knew the exact time, day and year he was going to die! Teacher: What an evolved soul? How'd he know? Me: The judge told him.

Little Johnny at school The preschool teacher says, "We're going to do vocabulary today. Who can use the word 'definitely' in a sentence?" Mary raises her hand and exclaims, "Me me me!" The teacher says, "Go ahead, what's the sentence? Mary replies, "The sky is definitely blue." "That's good, Mary," says the teacher, "but the sky can also be gray or white." Sam raises his hand and states, "Grass is definitely green." The teacher says, "That's good, Sam, but grass can be brown, too." Litt…