Lucy Jokes

A first grade teacher explained to her class that she is a liberal Democrat. She asks her students to raise their hands if they were liberal Democrats too. Not really knowing what a liberal Democrat was but wanting to be like their teacher their hands flew up into the air. There was one exception. A girl named Lucy had not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. ""Because I'm not a liberal Democrat."" ""Then"" asks the teacher ""What are you?"" ""W…

Morality stories A teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. Kathy said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the pickup when we hit a bump in the road and all the eggs went flying and broke and made a mess." "And what's the moral of the story?…

A little old lady wants to buy a parrot. So she goes to the local pet store and asks the shopkeeper if he has any parrots. "Well I've just got this one right now but I have to warn you he used to belong to an old sailor and he's picked up some nasty words. Why don't you come back next week." He said. "No that's quite alright. I know just how to handle him." So she pays for the bird and brings him home and sure enough once he gets home he starts cussing up a storm so the old lady takes him a…

Little Lucy & Little Johnny Little Lucy was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, Lucy, who created the universe?" When Lucy didn't stir, Little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "God Almighty! " shouted Lucy and the teacher said, "Very good," and Lucy fell back asleep. A while later the teacher asked Lucy, "Who is our Lord …

The nurse who kept getting it backwards Man visits a friend in the hospital only to find the other patients in the ward looking a bit odd. "Lucy, what's going on with the other patients today?" said the man to his other half. "Oh it's the new nurse" said Lucy, "She just keeps getting things the wrong way round! See that man over there with the slack jaw, at 10 O'clock he was supposed to receive 2 pills. Instead she gave him 10 pills at 2 O'clock. "Blimey, that's terrible" said the man, "What…

Lucy, In the Sky, With Diamonds John Lennon, proving he was a terrible Clue player

A LESSON IN MORALS One day at the end of class, little Johnny's teacher asks the class to go home and think of a story to be concluded with the moral of that story. The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer to tell their story. Little Suzy raises her hand. "My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market. Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the road." When …

Blatant racial discrimination Mark and Lucy are on recess playing in the sandbox. Mark comes back to class and the teacher asks him "How did you spend your recess?" Mark says enthusiastically "I played in the sandbox with Lucy." The teachet beams. "If you can write the word "sand" on the board, I'll give you a chocolate cookie." Mark does this and recieves a cookie. Lucy returns and the teacher asks how she spent her recess. "I played in the sandbox with Mark." Again she states "If you can writ…

The nurse who kept getting it backwards Man visits a friend in the hospital only to find the other patients in the ward looking a bit odd. ""Lucy

Little Lucy & Little Johnny Little Lucy was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class.

What were you thinking?,"Schwarzenegger has a big one, Michael J. Fox has a small one, Madonna doesn't have one, The POPE has one but doesn't use it, Clinton uses his all the time, Mickey Mouse has an unusual one, George Burns' was hot, Liberace NEVER used his on women, Jerry Seinfeld is very very proud of his We never saw Lucy use Desi's what is it?

What were you thinking? Schwarzenegger has a big one, Michael J. Fox has a small one, Madonna doesn't have one, The POPE has one but doesn't use it, Clinton uses his all the time, Mickey Mouse has an unusual one, George Burns' was hot, Liberace NEVER used his on women, Jerry Seinfeld is very very proud of his, We never saw Lucy use Desi's what is it?

What did Aslan tell Lucy about the Witch and the Wardrobe? It's Narnia business.

Why did Lucy fall off the swing? Jimmy pushed her... Which is a shame because she was getting used to swinging without arms.

Here's A Puzzle for You: Schwarzenegger has a big one, Michael J. Fox has a small one, Madonna doesn't have one, The Pope has one but doesn't use it, Clinton uses his all the time, Mickey Mouse has an unusual one, George Burns' was hot, Liberace NEVER used his on women, Jerry Seinfeld is very proud of his, We never saw Lucy use Desi's What is it? A last name....... “Were you thinking of something else!?”