Facebook Jokes

Got a problem with me? I'm pretty sure a status on Facebook won't fix it.

I do have a life outside of Facebook, but I don't remember the password for it.

I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now update your Facebook status.

That awkward moment when you change your Facebook status to ""single"" and your ex likes it.

After I die, I want someone to periodically log in as me so it looks like I'm haunting Facebook.

What's with these people on facebook who never particpate on your page at all, yet act all weird when you decline attending their stupid event?

Sometimes relationships last longer when Facebook doesn't know about them.

Sometimes I want to comment on a photo on Facebook but then I don't wanna have to explain why I'm in your Random Party Pics' album at 4am.

I don't have a Facebook or Twitter account... ...so I just go around announcing out loud what I'm doing at random times. I've got 3 followers so far, but I think 2 are cops.

Saitama tried to change his Facebook password to Goku but Facebook said it was too weak...

Facebook memories are a great way to see how fat you've gotten.

Change your Facebook Status to ""I'm Pregnant"" or ""I'm Engaged"" and watch the April Fools LIKE & Comment away.

I've seen a lot of great photos of babies in my life, so if you want my like on Facebook you better bring it.

Your baby looks the same as it did yesterday. *Me, commenting on a Facebook picture.*

My ""it's cold outside"" post just went viral on Facebook.

Facebook is telling me to ""reconnect"" with my brother...hmmm, I see him everyday

If you feel a bit lonely, forgotten, or just need someone to cheer you up remember...You can always change your birthday on facebook!

I'm not a Facebook status, you don't have to like me.

Behind every successful student, there is a deactivated Facebook account.

Chuck Norris checks his facebook on a typewriter.

A duck walks into a pub... *(Stolen from Facebook. Apologies if it's a repost.)* A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich. The barman looks at him and says, "Hang on! You're a duck." "I see your eyes are working," replies the duck. "And you can talk!" exclaims the barman. "I see your ears are working, too," says the duck. "Now if you don't mind, can I have my beer and my sandwich please?" "Certainly, sorry about that," says the barman as he pulls the duck's pin…

Guys that try and pick up girls on Facebook are pathetic.. Girls, if you agree message me your number so we can talk about it.

pH number. So a random person I don't know sends me a message on Facebook which goes like, "cn i hve ur pH no? :)" To which I reply, "7."

How to pick up chicks at the gym Pasted from Facebook: A man asks a trainer in the gym: “I want to impress that beautiful girl, which machine can I use?” Trainer replies: “Use the ATM”

My New Girlfriend Facebook asks what I'm thinking. Twitter asks what I'm doing. Google asks where I am. The internet has turned into my girlfriend.