Doctor Who Jokes

At last, I finally got around to watching the new episode of ""Doctor Who"" ... ... it was about time.

apropos for this week In the year 1806, a well-dressed man in his twenties visited a doctor who was renowned throughout London for being able to treat what nowadays we'd call depression, but back then was called melancholia. The patient explained that he felt overcome by a terrible sadness, that he didn't want to get up in the morning. He could not see any point in his existence. ""With your condition I would normally prescribe a course of my patent powders,"" said the doctor, ""but it so happen…

Two old friends reunite... - Hey! I haven't seen you in a while! How are your memory problems? - Pretty fine, actually. My doctor is helping me a lot and I barely have any issue remembering things. - Oh, that's nice to hear. How is the name of your doctor? I'm kind of worried because I'm starting to forget things and I would like to talk to a professional. - Sure, her name is... ehm... ehm... what is the name of this famous virgin that appears in the bible? - Mary? - Yes! That's it! He turns int…

An American doctor who contracted Ebola is said to be getting better. The bad news is he's getting better at contracting the Ebola virus.

The Seven Most Important Men In A Woman's Life 1. The Doctor - who tells her to ""take off all her clothes."" 2. The Dentist - who tells her to ""open wide."" 3. The Milkman - who asks her ""do you want it in the front or the back?"" 4. The Hairdresser - who asks her ""do you want it teased or blown?"" 5. The Interior Designer - who assures her ""once it's inside, you'll LOVE it!"" 6. The Banker - who insists to her ""if you take it out too soon, you'll lose interest!"" 7. The Primal Hunter - wh…

How can you know if somebody watches Doctor Who? They'll make sure you know.

3 old men... 3 old men are talking in the park. ""I had awfull problems with my liver, but I also know a realy good doctor who cured me."" says the first one. ""I had terible problems with my heart, but a realy good doctor cured me"" says the second one. ""I had some problems with my memory, but I'm now just like an elephant thanks to my doctor!""says the first one. ""Realy?""said the other 2""What's his name?"" ""Well, ummm..... what's that white plant that starts with an 'M' called?"" ""What? …

How do you break concrete in Doctor Who? With a Captain Jackhammer.

A hunter visited a doctor who was about to give him a spinal tap... Doctor says ""Well this might hurt, I just want you do know."" The hunter goes ""don't worry doc, I've only been in pain twice in my life, this will be nothing."" So the doctor performs the spinal tap and sure enough, the hunter didn't flinch a muscle. Curious about the hunters statement, he asks ""So, what are the two times you've been in pain"" Hunter says ""I was hunting once and had to take a dump. I dropped my trousers and …

Be careful of your aim A woman was pregnant with triplets. One day she goes into this bank as it was being held up. She gets shot 3 times in her stomach, but luckily she lives. She goes to the doctor who tells her that her children will be all right, and that one day the bullets will come out. So 13 years later, one triplet, a girl, runs out of the bathroom and says ""MOM, MOM, I WAS GOING TO THE BATHROOM AND A BULLET CAME OUT!"" So the mother tells her the story. The next day the second daughte…

billy joe redneck has 10 kids... so he decides its time for a vasectomy. he goes to the doctor who explains the procedure and the cost. billy joe asks if theres a cheaper way to handle this... the doc says ""aren't you billy joe the redneck? heres what you need to do, drink a six pack, but in the last can light a cherry bomb, drop it in, then count to ten! You only need to buy the beer and the cherry bomb."" Billy joe is sceptical, but takes the doctors advise. He downs a sixpack, put a lit cher…

Man walks into a doctor's office The doctor asks, ""what can I do for you today?"" The man replies, "" I'd like to be castrated."" The doctor, shocked asks, ""are you sure, this is a big decision, and once the procedure is done there's no turning back."" The man says, ""I'm sure, and if won't do it I'll find a doctor who will."" Uneasily, the doctor agrees to go along with the man's wishes. When the procedure is finish the man, bandaged and in pain, carefully walks toward the hospital door. Just…

After a weekend in Amsterdam my bollocks became enlarged, red and itchy. I went to my doctor who told me it could be a number of STD's. Worried my wife would soon find out I asked if it might clear up on its own. He said he didn't want to make any rash promises.

7 Most Important Men in a Woman's Life.... The Doctor who tells her to ""take off all her clothes."" The Dentist who tells her to ""open wide."" The Milkman who asks her ""do you want it in the front or the back?"" The Hairdresser who asks her ""do you want it ... Read more...

What do you call an Egyptian doctor who works on peoples backs? A Cairopractor!

Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. Tom slept well and in fact beat the alarm in the morning. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work. ""Boss"", he said, ""The pill actually worked!"" ""That's all fine"" said the boss, ""But where were you yesterday?""

INFORMATION YOU NEED TO HELP YOU CHOOSE YOUR NEXT HEALTH PLAN .. Q. What does HMO stand for? A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, ""HEY MOE."" Its roots go back to a concept pioneered by Moe of the Three Stooges,who discovered that a patient could be made to forget about the pain in his foot if he was poked hard enough in the eyes. Q. I just joined an HMO. How difficult will it be to choose the doctor I want? A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents. Your insurer will…

A doctor had been attending a rich old man for some time but it became apparent that the old chap had not long to live. Accordingly the doctor advised his wealthy patient to put his affairs in order. ""Oh yes I've done that"" said the old gentleman. ""I've only got to make a will. And do you know what I'm going to do with all my money? I'm going to leave it to the doctor who saves my life.""

Tyfus applied for a job in a factory. The company doctor who was giving him a physical asked ""Have your eyes ever been checked?"" ""No"" said the worker. ""They've always been brown.""

A blonde is suffering from a sore throat so she goes to see the doctor. She explains the problem to the doctor who asks her to sit down. He gets out his light and says ""Open wide."" ""I can't"" replies the blonde ""the chair's fitted with arms.""

Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. Tom slept well and in fact beat the alarm in the morning by almost two hours. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work. ""Boss"" he said "" The pill actually worked!"" ""That's all fine"" said the boss "" But where we…

A biologist had been working on a remote research project in the Amazon jungle. Upon his return to the States he came down with a terrible illness. After his health had deteriorated his wife took him to a doctor who specialized in strange jungle diseases. The doctor gave him a complete examination and a series of tests. After receiving the results of the tests the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He told the young biologist's wife ""Your husband is suffering from a very severe di…

Witness in a trial In a trial, a doctor who had performed the autopsy on the victim was called up to the stand by the prosecuting lawyer. After the doctor swears not to lie, he takes his seat getting ready to answer the lawyer's questions. **Lawyer:** "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?" **Doctor:** "No." **Lawyer:** "Did you check for blood pressure?" **Doctor:** "No." **Lawyer:** "Did you check for breathing?" **Doctor:** "No." **Lawyer:** "So, then i…

The Stutterer Jack was in the supermarket when he ran into his old friend, Charlie, whom he hadn't seen in several years. Jack remembered Charlie as having an awful stuttering problem, which had made his life miserable; he couldn't hold down a job and was terribly shy. But Jack and Charlie had always gotten along well. "Charlie! How are ya, old boy?" Jack called out. Charlie looked up, saw Jack, and smiled. "Jack! ... How ... are ... you? ... I ... haven't ... seen ... you ... in ... fore…

Leather Worker There is a doctor who has collected foreskins the entire 20 yrs he has been a Dr, after he retires he takes them to a leather worker to see what he can do with them, the guy tells the Dr to come back in a few days, so the Dr. leaves and returns after 3 days, he goes to the leather worker and says "What did you make me?" the guy pulls out a wallet, the Dr. says "A wallet is all you made? I brought you in 50,000 foreskins and all you made was a wallet?" the leather worker says "It'…