Dimitri Jokes

A 3rd grade class goes to the swimming pool... (/r/AskReddit comments section liked it and I was told that you might like it, too) *It's a joke I know in french. So I tried to translate it and did some improvments since my first comment, too:* A 3rd grade class goes to the swimming pool. The lifeguard asks to the class: ""Does any one of you already know how to swim?"" Then the little Dimitri, all excited, answered: ""Yes! I do!"" The thing is, the little Dimitri has no arms. So the lifeguard do…

Vladimir Putin Speech Vladimir Putin is giving a speech in Moscow. He is praising his government for bringing economic prosperity to the nation of Russia. "In my government every citizen has a television set and an automobile to drive!" He says to thunderous applause. Once the applause subsides, a hand goes up near where Putin is and he notices. He calls out to the man whose hand is raised and says, "What is it that you wish to say, citizen?" The man begins to speak to Putin and the crowd quie…

A 3rd grade class goes to the swimming pool... (/r/AskReddit comments section liked it and I was told that you might like it, too) *It's a joke I know in french. So I tried to translate it and did some improvments since my first comment, too:* A 3rd grade class goes to the swimming pool. The lifeguard asks to the class: "Does any one of you already know how to swim?" Then the little Dimitri, all excited, answered: "Yes! I do!" The thing is, the little Dimitri has no arms. So the lifeguard …

The Story of Mike Doe! Hey, my name’s Mike Doe, and this is my story. I had a friend in college, my freshman roommate, who was always talking about his family. His name was Robert Gooding, and he must’ve had a family tree that started from Adam and Eve. Every single day he would drone on and on about some cousin or uncle or some such. He would always burst into the room saying things like, “Hey Mike! You’ll never guess Uncle Nate and Aunt Ridley are doing in Taiwan for the orphans this week!” I…

A Russian communist is lying on his deathbed His friends are gathered around him all somber. The old man turns to one of them and says, "Dimitri, remember in 1921 you were almost executed? Well, you should know that I ratted you out to the Cheka. I hope you forgive me." "Oh, no worries buddy," says Dimitri. The Communist then turns to another friend. "Petya, remember being sentenced in 1937 to 25 years in the gulag? Well, it was me who went to the NKVD. Please forgive me." "No hard fe…