Darwin Jokes

Darwin is a genius. Just realized I'm attracted to women in glasses because I'm more likely to reproduce with a woman who can't see me well.

My 5 year old is stuck inside a duvet cover right now so I think I'm going to go for a walk and just let Darwin solve this one.

God: Hmm now where did I leave that fish? It couldn't possibly have grown legs and walked away Darwin: lol ur not gonna believe this

8 teens in the the garage. I hear the miter saw and drill going. I'm just going to sit back and let Darwin take care of things in there.

did Darwin predict butterflies would then evolve into tattoos?

When you watch Jersey Shore, Darwin cries.

So if Lucy died 3.2 million years ago after falling from a tree... ...does that qualify her for a Darwin award?

Einstein, Newton and Darwin are having a small argument. Newton, a bit annoyed, says ""Guys, I don't think you understand the gravity of the situation"". Einstein replies, ""I think I do relatively understand it."" On which Darwin says, ""Please don't let this evolve into a big fight, aight?""

""My theory about evolution is that Darwin was adopted"" This is a classic joke for Steven Wright but I don't get it. It's about the wordplay between ""adopted"" and ""adapted""? Can somebody help me? The doubt it's killing me.

The Pope and Darwin meet in a Bar Darwin says, ""Hey Pope, I thought about it, and according to your theory, you came from incestuous ancestors, which had retard babies, so basically your ancestors are retarded humans."" Pope says, ""And according to your theory, your ancestors are retarded monkeys"".

Apes are very intelligent... After working very hard with a group of apes their zookeepers seemed to have had some success teaching them to read and write. The apes begin to make remarkable progress. As they spent most of their budget on basic children's books the staff decides to use texts about animals from the gift shop to help advance the apes' reading abilities. One ape soars above the others, and one morning while being fed the zoo employee notices he is reading Darwin. So he writes a note…

People who won Darwin Awards... ...jumped into the gene pool when the life guards weren't looking

Joe, Pascal, Darwin and Newton go play hide 'n' seek Joe, Pascal, Darwin and Newton decide to play hide and go seek. Joe decides to count. When he starts counting Darwin runs off to look at bugs, Pascal runs and hides in a box and Newton simply draws a square around him which is neatly labelled 1m^2 . When joe opens his eyes he says ""come on Newton at least try!"" To which Newton replies ""actually a newton over a m^2 is a Pascal so you just found pascal.

Some people just don't understand evolution. I was talking to an Australian the other day who actually thought *he* came from Darwin! All credit to Milton Jones for that one.

Why did Darwin love CSS? Because children inherit properties from their parents.

[Punchline wanted] Charles Darwin, Jean-Baptiste Lamarck, and Jerry Lewis walk into a bar. To their surprise, the bartender is a monkey. Lamarck notes that the monkey's arms have become long from reaching for bottles on the high shelves. Darwin disagrees, saying that the monkey got the job because it was born with long arms. Jerry Lewis looks at the both of them, and says... Sorry, SimLife couldn't get a needed punch line. -------------------------------------------------- This is what you get i…

So Darwin comes across a sad penguin in an airport.... He goes up to the penguin and asks, ""Why so angry, you cute little fella?"" The penguin looks up to him and says ""flight's delayed.""

The Danceologist A man was sitting at a bar in London, and ordered a drink. "So, who are you?", asked the bartender. "I'm a danceologist. I've studied every dance in the entirety of Oceania". "Even the Wingo Wango?" "Mhm", he replied. "Even the Yapucha dance?", he asked. "Wait, I've never heard of that one! Can you tell me about it?" The bartender shook his head. "I can't, but my cousin lives in Darwin. Here's his address. The bartender handed him a business card. The danceologist thanke…

Three Scientists Go To Heaven Newton, Darwin, and a modern Scientist go to heaven. *** God is standing at the gate. "Your research will determine whether you may enter heaven." *** Newton is up first. He shows God "Principia". God smiles reading Newton's description of gravity. God shakes his hand and opens the gate for him. *** Next up is Darwin. He shows God "Origin of Species". God says "You nailed it!" He lets him in. *** Finally, the modern Scientist is up. God asks to see …