Chuck Norris Jokes

Most people fear the Reaper. Chuck Norris considers him ""a promising Rookie"".

Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.

Scientists believe the world began with the ""Big Bang"". Chuck Norris shrugs it off as a ""bad case of gas"".

If you're a woman and you lost your virginity, Chuck Norris probably has it.

Chuck Norris once sneezed on a woman at the bank and got her pregnant

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.

Two wrongs don't make a right. Unless you're Chuck Norris. Then two wrongs make a roundhouse kick to the face.

Chuck Norris was called to the set of the movie ""Independence Day."" They needed a way to show the Statue of Liberty laying on its side. To do this, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the statue down, let it lay long enough for them to film the scene, then stared at it until it stood back up.

Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris smells what the Rock is cooking...... because the Rock is Chuck Norris' personal chef.

Chuck Norris doesn't look both ways before he crosses the street...... he just roundhouses any cars that get too close.

Chuck Norris was the orginal sculptor of Mount Rushmore. He completed the entire project using only a bottle opener and a drywall trowel.

Mr. T pities the fool. Chuck Norris rips the fool's head off.

It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.

Knock knock, Who's there? Chuck Norris! Chuck Norris who? ...? Sorry, the joke is over when Chuck Norris gets involved!

Chuck Norris doesn't get wet, Water gets chuck norrised

Chuck Norris doesnt wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

One time, Chuck Norris accidentally stubbed his toe. It destroyed the entire state of Ohio.

Chuck Norris can't play LIFE. his is too complicated

Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked her into a glacier.

When you play Monopoly with Chuck Norris, you do not pass go, and you do not collect two hundred dollars. You will be lucky if you make it out alive.

If Chuck Norris wants your opinion, he'll beat it into you.

4 out of 5 doctors fail to recommend Chuck Norris as a solution to most problems. Also, 80% of doctors die unexplained, needlessly brutal deaths.

Human cloning is outlawed because if Chuck Norris were cloned, then it would be possible for a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to meet another chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe.

Chuck Norris can do a roundhouse kick faster than the speed of light. This means that if you turn on a light switch, you will be dead before the lightbulb turns on.