Brazil Jokes

The peanuts kids are having a school project. The kids from peanuts were in class one day, when they get a project where they need to do a presentation on a country. They all draw from a hat to see what country they were going to present on. Lucie: I got Canada! Peppermint Pattie: I got Brazil! Charlie Brown: I got Iraq :(

BREAKING NEWS Paula Deen's snack mix now contains ""Brazil Nuts""

Signs you drink too much coffee - You answer the door before people knock. - Juan Valdez named his donkey after you. - You ski uphill. - You grind your coffee beans in your mouth. - You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse. - You lick your coffeepot clean. - You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there. - Your eyes stay open when you sneeze. - You chew on other people's fingernails. - Your T-shirt says, ""Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's blen…

The England team visited an orphanage in Brazil today. ""It's heartbreaking to see their sad little faces with no hope"" said Jose, age 6.

Messi carrying Argentina. Neymar carrying Brazil. British Airways carrying England

Breaking News : Fulham have signed Brazil forward Fred to replace the Michael Jackson Statue outside of the ground.

What's the difference between Brazil and Oscar Pistorious? Oscar Pistorious has a better defence and more shots on Target

I would suggest that Brazil build a bridge and get over it... but given their record....

I was sitting watching Germany V Brazil in the World Cup Semi final when the Germans went 7-0 up...I said, ""F*cking hell! You'd think the Germans would take their foot off the gas..."" My Grandad just laughed.

I just kicked a can in my driveway and somehow ended up with a goal against Brazil.

England can't win anything. Brazil took away their top spot of Most Embarrassing team.

News: Coleen Rooney has flown out to Brazil with her two sons to be with Wayne until England's World Cup campaign is over. That's nice bit far to go for a weekend though if you ask me.

Apparently a teen in Brazil died after jerking off 42 times without stopping. So...41 guys...that's the limit.

What are Brazilian fans called? Brazil nuts!

Knock Knock Who's there ! Brazil ! Brazil who ? Brazil support a girls chest !

Three cowboys of the world are sitting around camp talking about how tough they were and the tales kept getting bigger and bigger. The cowboy from Australia says ""I wrestled a 200 pound crocodile and may it cry like a baby."" The Cowboy from Brazil shakes his head and says ""I killed a 400 pound steer with my bare hands."" The Cowboy from Texas just smiled and kept stirring the campfire with his leg.

I also like my women like I like my coffee... ...cheaply imported from Brazil

The Spanish national soccer team visited an orphanage in Brazil today "It was hard to see their sad and hopeless faces", said one of the orphans

This Brazil v. Germany World Cup Game.

What time is it in Brazil? Oh, it's 7 past Cesar

Translated Brazilian Joke - A broken car in the desert ** In Brazil it is common making jokes about our colonizers, the Portuguese. I hope they do the same about us in Portugal, so... ** A Portuguese, a Brazilian and an Argentinian are driving through the desert when their car suddenly breaks. João, the Brazilian suggests each one takes a piece of the car to help their journey walking back to the town. Santiago, the Argentinian says: - I'll take the seat, so if I'm tired I can sit on it and …

If you played pokemon in Brazil, you might catch a Zikachu

Just arrived in Brazil and many of the English translations were spelled incorrectly. For example, "Taxi Rank" was spelled "Taksi Rank", and instead of "American Express" it said "American Ekspress". I was intrigued, so I asked the concierge at our hotel why that was. Concierge: "Oh, yes sir, that's because X is now banned in our country"

I met a one-legged lady at the bar Out of curiosity,I asked her how she lost her leg. "Well, it's due to me being a great negotiator." Do tell. "You see, I had a business trip down to Brazil, and I was able to get a private pilot to fly me for a quarter of the cost of a commercial airline. Unfortunately, the plane malfunctioned and we crash landed in the Amazon." Ah, so you cheaped out and lost your leg in the crash. "No no, we were both perfectly fine. However, we landed in a territorial …

What’s the difference between Brazil and the USA? About 1500 arrests within 48 hours of an attempted coup.