Arthur Jokes

Giving up golf Arthur is 90 years old. He's played golf everyday since his retirement 25 years ago. One day he arrives home looking downcast. "That's it," he tells his wife, "I'm giving up golf. My eyesight has become so bad that once I hit the ball I couldn't see where it went." His wife sympathises with him and makes a cup of tea. As they sit down, she says, "Why don't you take my brother with you and give it one more try?" "That's no good," sighs Arthur, "your brother is 103, he can't help…

Lancelot! Lancelot, the chief knight of King Arthur, wanted to spend some time with Queen Guinevere. He couldn't, however, get her away from Arthur, so he calls Merlin the wizard to help him. "I want to be with the Queen, help me" So Merlin pours some itchy powder in her underwear. Soon, the Queen starts to feel the effect. Arthur, desperate, calls Merlin to advise him on what to do. "Your majesty, this is an enchantment which only the saliva of noble knight Lancelot can cure. He must apply …

Arthur and Friends The members of King Arthur's Round Table were always tired because they were on the knight shift. But they did like to party. One day after a boisterous gathering, the purest knight of all kept asking everyone who was awake, "Did you see the gal I had? When did King Arthurs men practice? Joust at night. Kings are old when they reach the age of sovereignty -- then they worry about their receding heir line. For kings, uprisings were a peasant surprise. Puns can be ma…

The Queen and the Chastity Belt One day, King Arthur had to leave the kingdom for an extended period. He took his most trusted knight, Lancelot, aside for a moment. "Lancelot, I fear Guinevere is not entirely faithful to me. Therefore, I have placed a chastity belt upon her. Now I entrust you alone with the key", and with that, placed the key in his hand. Soon Arthur was on his way. Before he left behind sight of the castle, however, he heard a galloping horse racing up to him. I…

Mr. Pott was an average man, with an extraordinary skin condition One day Mr. Pott (legend says his first name was Arthur) went to the doctor to get his skin checked out. He said "Doctor, I have a very odd skin condition. Multiple times a day, my skin will puff up and get all red almost instantly, with no warning." The doctor thought this was very odd, and wanted to have Mr. Pott wait with him in one of his rooms for a while to see if he could catch the odd phenomenon. They waited... And wa…

God and Harley Davidson The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven. At the gates St. Peter told Arthur. 'Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is you can hang out with anyone you want in heaven.' Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, 'I want to hang out with God.' St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room and introduced him to God. God recognized Arthur and commented, 'Okay, so yo…

Pirates on the island Three castaways - Arthur, Claude, and Oki - were stranded on an island for three days after their plane crashed. Together, they've been gathering food, water, and firewood in order to survive until help arrives. Then one day, Arthur was hurriedly running back into the other two. "Hurry," he said to them. "Hide yourselves. There are pirates on the island!" "Pirates?" asked Claude. "Don't be silly. They've been gone a long time ago." "No, really," insisted Arthur. "Let's …

A kid named Arthur is hired... at a supermarket. He preferred Artie

Arthur and Friends The members of King Arthur's Round Table were always tired because they were on the knight shift.

Arthur Guinness The leaders of the big beer companies meet for a drink. The president of Budweiser orders a bud, the Ceo of Miller gets a Miller, the head of coors orders a coors, and so on. Until it's Arthur Guinness's turn, he orders a soda. "Why didn't you order a Guinness?" everyone asks. "Nah" Guinness replies. If you guys aren't having a beer,then neither will I.

“Hello! Hello!” exclaimed the elderly woman upon answering the telephone. “Who is this?” “Albert.” “Who? I can’t hear a word you say.” “Albert” shouted the young man. “A-l-b-e-r-t. A for Arthur, L for Lionel, B for Bertram, E for Edward, R for Robert, T for Tommie.” “Yes, yes” replied the old lady. “But which of you boys wants to speak to me!?”

Arthur: “I was feeling so sleepy this morning that I had to toss whether to attend class or to go to bed.” Lionel: “Is that so?” Arthur: “Yes. And I had to toss ten times before I could go to bed!”

Arthur (Harley)Davidson, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven." Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God." St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room and introduced him to God. God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley Davidson motorcycle?" Arthur…

Arthur bought a car by bank loan. But he did not pay loan amount. So they took the car from him. After seeing that the man is thinking, “If I knew before, than I would have taken a loan for my marriage also.

Chris: “Do you want to know your love percentage?” Arthur: “Yes. Of course.” Chris: “Type LOVE [Your name] [Your lover's name] Send to: Your father's mobile number. He will tell your future!”

Arthur had been away from home on business for several days. On his return, his wife told him how much the dog had missed him. “Every night, Millie would be waiting by the front door for you coming home” she said. “Wow, that is devotion” Arthur replied. “Would you be that concerned?” “Darling” she replied, “If you had been gone all night and I had no idea where you went, you bet your life that I would be waiting at that front door when you got back!”