ME: i need a loan so i can build a robot army to take over the world with BANKER: what M: oops i meant 'with which to take over the world'

Neat how we spend so much time and money on the war against pot but there are people driving around with eyelashes and antlers on their cars

I never give money to those Salvation Army people because I know they're just gonna spend it on more bells.

A Catholic, a Protestant, a Muslim and a Jew. A Catholic, a Protestant, a Muslim and a Jew were in a discussion during a dinner. Catholic: ""I have a large fortune....I am going to buy Citibank!"" Protestant: ""I am very wealthy and will buy General Motors!"" Muslim: ""I am a fabulously rich prince.... I intend to purchase Microsoft!"" They then all wait for the Jew to speak.... The Jew stirs his coffee, places the spoon neatly on the table, takes a sip of his coffee, looks at them and casually …