The time my grandpa went to Africa One day I was sitting with my grandpa watching TV. As it happened we were watching the Discovery channel when a show about Africa came on. ""Hmph, Africa... I've been there."" My grandpa said. ""Really?"" I asked, ""I never knew you went to Africa grandpa, when was this?"" ""Well,"" he said, ""when I went to Africa I was about your age. Eighteen. And back then they didn't have no jet airplanes that could get you there in ten hours. No siree!"" ""First, we got o…

My telethon to raise money for starving children in Africa was a huge flop. I didn't know the TV added 10 pounds. Those kids looked fine. :(

All I said was, Even those starving kids in Africa wouldn't eat your cooking and my wifes foot became Mayor of my ass on Foursquare.

Can any of you read your Chinese food bill? Looks like they charged me for a chicken lo-mein, a python, Africa, and a diet Coke.