Two American soldiers have taken cover in a foxhole during an offensive in France during ww2. The enemy fire power is fierce, and they are unable to advance or retreat. Shells are zinging past them like wasps, and errant ricochets unnerve them. Mortar shells explode all around and the two men are sweating lest a shell might land atop of them. As the evening wears on and nerves become frazzled in the stifling heat, one of the men confides that he has to go to the bathroom really bad. ""Number 1 o…

A devout Christian is asked to evacuate in the face of coming floods. Upon hearing an announcement on the radio that the levies have failed and flooding is imminent, the Christian decides not to evacuate because the Lord will surely protect him. Well the storm comes and as it's pouring rain a police cruiser comes up making sure everyone is evacuated. He comes to the man's door and says 'sir, this is your last chance, evacuate now while the roads are still passable!"" ""No need sir, the Lord will…

A man dies and goes to heaven... He is standing in front of the pearly gates when saint Peter stands before him and asks ""What have you done to be here?"" The man says ""Well ten years ago I gave $1 to the Red Cross"" Saint Peter asks ""is that all?"" The man then says ""Well 5 years ago I gave $1 to some charity that I can't remember the name"" Saint peter asks ""is that all?"" The man then says ""yeah"" Saint peter says ""well in that case here is your $2 back and you can go to hell!""

The United Way realized that it had never received a donation from the city's most successful lawyer. So a United Way volunteer paid the lawyer a visit in his lavish office. The volunteer opened the meeting by saying, ""Our research shows that even though your annual income is over two million dollars, you don't give a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give something back to your community through the United Way?"" The lawyer thinks for a minute and says, ""First, did your research also sho…