Doctor: "Well, Mrs Jones, you are eating for two now!" Kate: "I'm pregnant?!" Doctor: "No. You have a tapeworm."

Carpet matches the curtains 10 year olds Andy, Ben, and Chuck are having lunch at school on Monday morning and Andy says, ""My Pa said that Mrs. Jones carpet doesn't match the curtains. What does that mean?"" Ben informs him that it is when a lady's pubic hair doesn't match the hair on her head. Chuck proposes that they see if their respective teachers, Mrs Adams, Ms Brown, and Mrs Carter have matching carpet and curtains. The boys spend the week trying to peek up their teachers' skirts. They me…

A pastor takes four earthworms and places them in different jars at the start of the service. Each jar contained something different, the first had alcohol, the second had cigerette butts and smoke, the third had all sorts of sweets, and the forth had good, clean dirt. At the end of the service, the pastor pulls the jars back out and removes the worm from the alcohol. ""Dead!"" exclaims the pastor. Next is the worm in the cigerette smoke. ""Dead!"". The worm in the sweets ""DEAD!"" Finally the w…

Mr. Jones falls asleep in church. Mr. Jones keeps falling asleep in church, and Mrs. Jones is not to happy with this. So one day she makes an appointment with the pastor and sits down with him to discuss it. She says to him, ""pastor I am getting tired of Mr. Jones falling asleep during church there has got to be something we can do about it?"" The pastor thinks and replies ""yes I have an idea leave it up to me I will give you the signal and you take this hat pin and poke him when I give you th…