Nothing says "Proper Retirement Planning" like a garbage can full of losing lottery tickets

G: Grandma (completely safe watch with grandma) PG: Partial Grandma (slightly awkward) PG13: 13 or more cusses (very awkward) R: NO grandmas

Me: "You kids aren't getting any more toys until you take care of the ones you have!" Grandma: "Here are 8,000 new toys just for existing."

at the grampys, about to anounce who won the grampy award. open envelope. its grandpa!!! you did it congratulations

Person: "That's a beautiful baby." Me: "Thanks, I named him after his grandpa." Person: "Awe, what's his name?" Me: "Grandpa."

Like grandpa always said, 'If you kids don't stop retweeting yourself, you'll go blind.'

I hope the next Adam Sandler movie has a wacky grandpa who uses "bae" all the time so you guys will stop thinking its funny

Look grandma. You told me to bring something to the wake. If you meant a casserole, you should have said so. Now help me load this drum kit.

My music preferences range between something your grandma would listen to, to something that could potentially kill her.

Review of "grandma": slow, slow-witted, terrified of technology, can't bench for shit, no karate, basically racist

Daddy, why is grandma so bitter? I don't know, son; seems to run in the family. Your great uncle tasted awful

People who put "Retired" on their Linked In acct: I'm not certain you've grasped the site.

Nice 35 yr. old unlit candle, every grandma in the world.

My grandmother told me the secret to staying thin is.......if it tastes good spit it out.

When I was a kid I got in trouble for playing with Grandma Bella in the sandbox. Can't play with dead bodies apparently.

Grandma, the words are very similar, but you "butt dialed" me. You didn't booty call me.

i hate when people call their grandparents weird names instead of grandma and grandpa like babooshka or salami

"He looks just like his grandfather" is a cute thing said about a new baby in most parts of the world. In Alabama,it's more of an accusation

My grandma had a lock installed on her medicine cabinet poor thing no one's ever going to visit her again

I've just seen a girl post a selfie with her dead grandma on facebook and thousands have commented "rip". Stop the internet, I wanna get off

Highway Driving 101: Left Lane: People in a hurry, People who can drive. Right Lane: Elderly People, Asians, Women, Dogs, Infants.

Grandma: what's oversharing? Me: It's when you talk about your hemorrhoid surgery on FaceBook.

My grandmother is like a fine wine that grows more racist with every year.

dad u make dolphin noises mom u make pinacolada noises grandma u put on this sailboat costume. I told this girl on skype im 16/surfer/hawaii

My grandpa slept in snow in the Battle of the Bulge & I'm considering throwing out this cup of water bc it has some tiny floaty things in it