How to stop checking someone's Facebook page: 1. Delete your Facebook profile 2. Break your phone 3. Give away your laptop 4. Die

A man is taking his family to his father's funeral... .. He is talking with his wife as his two children sit in the backseat, the daughter fiddles with her phone charger while the son listens in. ""Honey, I don't know what I'm going to say in his eulogy."" ""Well, you could make comparisons, say he was as strong as an ox."" ""Yeah, that was just like him... Oh! He was like a rock, staying tough against whatever was thrown at him!"" The husband added. ""You see, just think of things that that rem…

A blonde marries an elderly billionaire... When the two are engaged, her friends and family remind her, ""Make sure he puts you in the will!!"" When the two are walking down the aisle, her friends and family whisper, ""Make sure he puts you in the will!!"" When the two are on their Honeymoon, her friends and family phone to say, ""Make sure he puts you in the will!!"" At the funeral soon after, the blonde holds up her hand. ""Don't say it! Yes, I made sure he put me in the will."" She then looks…

A father was listening in on his daughter's nightly prayers He stands with his ear to the door and hears her begin. ""Dear Lord, thank you for Mommy, thank you for Daddy, thank you for Grandma, Bye bye Grandpa!"" Huh? Weird. He doesn't think much about it and goes to bed. The next morning grandpa is dead in the living room. So he listens at her door that night, for surely this is just a coincidence. ""Dear Lord, thank you for Mommy, thank you for Daddy, bye bye Grandma!"" Ok, he's gotta admit , …