I'm a secondhand veggietarian. I eat cows. Cows eat grass. It's science. Merica.

Win every disagreement by saying " I know. I'm from the future." Because they can argue with you, but not science.

Meteorologist: According to our facts, we'll have a longer winter- People: LET THE GROUNDHOG DECIDE Meterologist: But science People: NO

Jeb Bush: "The Pope should not discuss climate change because he's not a scientist, although if elected, I will be your wife's gynecologist"

I couldn't remember the term "hazmat suit," so I called it a "science burqa."

If my son's science project is to see how annoying he can be before I kill him then he's almost done.

I experimented A LOT in college. (I was a chemistry major.)

Mad scientist- Checks for Labs Bartender- Checks for Tabs Boxer- Checks for Jabs Uber- Checks for Cabs Your back - Checks for Stabs

[SCIENCE FAIR] ME: It's a Pez dispenser, but for hot Pop-Tarts. PRINCIPAL: This fair is for kids. OTHER PARENT: Shut up, let him finish.

Him: How does my football throw look to you? Me: Like you're good at science...

I wonder what TSA would do if I brought a block of ice through airport security. My physics teacher said it's not a liquid.

Simba, everything the light touches is our kingdom "wat abot that shadowy place. by 5pm it wil be in the sun" ..who told you about science

You can't give me a mini fan at work and expect me not to spend the whole morning pretending I'm a model doing a photo shoot. It's science.

I could never succeed at chemistry. I Guess that's why it's called chemist "try"

Actually Frankenstein was the name of the scientist. I, the person correcting you on this trivial point, am the monster.

I think if a little girl wants to grow up and be a Tyrannosaurus Rex that's totally fine, and science shouldn't stop her.

Just donated my body to science. I'm your problem now, science. And I could use some pizza and beer.

Wife: Whatchya thinking about? Me: *Thinking about how dogs understand more English words than I understand dog words* Science stuff.

Person: It's not rocket science. Rocket science [wipes forehead and exhales] : Whew! Nearly got caught there.

Science fact: a dog extracts more information from smelling a pile of excrement than a human does from reading the Daily Mail.

Christian politicians hate science because they think it's always talking about two Adams bonding

Imagine how quickly Breitbart would believe in climate science if they could use it to stop black people from voting.

By all sensible rules of anatomy, if you have shit for brains, you shouldn't be alive. Science, people.

I don't remember 6th grade science being this hard. But then again, in 6th grade, I wasn't trying to do homework after 3 glasses of wine.

She blinded me with science. Fine, it was mace, but she sprayed it very scientifically.