I experimented A LOT in college. (I was a chemistry major.)

[SCIENCE FAIR] ME: It's a Pez dispenser, but for hot Pop-Tarts. PRINCIPAL: This fair is for kids. OTHER PARENT: Shut up, let him finish.

Our kitchen is starting to look like a middle school science fair

just ran into my high school biology teacher. she said "i figured you'd have cured cancer by now." then i washed bird shit off her tahoe