Woods They Jokes

A paedophile and I kid go for an evening walk in the woods They walk for a long time and as they get further in it gets darker and darker. The kid gets more and more nervous the further they walk. Finally he turns to the paedophile and says ""Mister, we've been walking for ages. I don't know where we are and it's really dark. I'm scared."" The paedophile turns to him and says ""You're scared? I've got to find my way out of here on my own!""

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead find themselves lost in the woods They decide that they need to hunt to survive and agree on taking turns hunting. On the first day, the redhead goes out to see what she can catch and comes back dragging a rabbit. The other two, amazed, ask her how she caught the rabbit, to which she replied, ""I simply followed the rabbit's tracks and i caught the rabbit."" The next day, the brunette goes out hunting and returns dragging a deer. The other two, amazed, asked h…

A bear is chasing a squirrel in the woods... They cross a river when, all of a sudden, the river genie appears. Genie: ""Well, shit. Two customers. I don't know who triggered this whole thing, so lemme give you 3 wishes. Bear, you start, since you're bigger."" Bear thinks for a moment. He smiles: ""Ok, I want all the other bears in this forest to be females."" Genie grants the wish, turns to squirrel. Squirrel thinks. He looks up to the genie: ""I want a motorcycle."" Bear shakes his head: ""Squ…

Two kids were walking in the woods... They came across a massive hole in the ground only a meter across but they couldn't see the bottom through the blackness. One of them picked up a rock and tossed it in, they leaned in close to listen for it to hit the bottom, to their astonishment they never heard the rock hit anything. So the other kid grabbed a huge stone that he could barely pick up and threw it in, they thought for sure they would here this crash against the bottom, they listened as it f…

Two blondes are on a hike through the woods They come across some tracks and stop to figure out what type they are. One blonde insists they're bobcat tracks, the other thinks they're moose tracks. Before they can figure it out, the train hits them.

Two blondes are walking in the woods... They come across some tracks. The first blonde says ""Those are deer tracks. The second blonde says ""Lisa you idiot. Those are obviously moose tracks."" And they were still arguing when the train hit them.

I phoned the animal shelter today and said ""I've found six kittens in a suitcase in the woods."" They said "