Ted Cruz Jokes

Ted Cruz getting elected.

What do you call a foreign born communist running for President? Ted Cruz

Ted Cruz announced he is running for president as a Republican. That surprised me; I thought he was running as a joke.

Why do the birthers...? Why do the Birthers care about where Barack Obama was born (Hawaii, not Kenya) and not where Ted Cruz was born (Canada, not Texas)? Because Barack Obama is black.

Four guys on a plane with three parachutes break the fourth wall. Four guys were on an airplane when it started to crash. Then they discovered there were only three parachutes. The four guys were Bill Gates, Bill Nye, Neil Degrasse Tyson, and Ted Cruz. They argued over who got to use the three parachutes. Since the scientists and geeks knew this joke usually ends with the smartest guy in the world jumping out with an empty backpack, they decided to take Tyson's suggestion and throw Cruz out the …

Ted Cruz is going to be in a movie Dummy Does Dallas

Hillary, Trump, and Cruz walk into a bar Hillary Clinton, Donald Trump, and Ted Cruz walk into a bar on Christmas Eve. Hillary tells the bartender: "Good evening, my man! Pour me a drink, I'm tired and thirsty from all the campaigning." Donald Trump then says: "Merry Christmas! I want a drink too." He then looks closely at the bartender and says, "You are incredibly ugly. And bald. I hate ugly people. I have always been a very beautiful man. Because I'm beautiful and a winner and ahead…

Ted Cruz should have been forced to carry his Campaign to term... Terminating it is unchristian afterall

Yup! It got me... Donald Trump and Ted Cruz are sitting in a bar.

Ted Cruz has aborted his campaign ..but I say he should be forced to carry it to full term

What's Ted Cruz's favorite food? Boogers. This isn't a joke. Ted Cruz eats his boogers.

Have you ever seen Ted Cruz and the Zodiac Killer in the same room? Me neither.

What do Ted Cruz and a tenage girl's bedroom have in common? Credit to

Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, and Ted Cruz are on a plane. The plane crashes. Who survives? America.

What do Ted Cruz and Donald Trump's father have in common? They pulled out too late.

Boy scout: Sir, I found a snake, is it poisonous? Me: Not unless it's named Ted Cruz

What do Ted Cruz and an impotent Japanese man have in common? Neither can achieve an election

Why do people take such an instant dislike to Ted Cruz ? It saves so much time.

How do you speak to a deaf Ted Cruz? Use zodiac signs