Phd Jokes

A friend of mine is really set on becoming the first emperor of Asia, He's pursuing a PhD in English Literature... When I asked him why chose English Literature he said he wanted to be ""a great reader"".

Can't you imagine Joan Rivers tossing off this one-liner by the unforgettable Belle Barth? Referring to the wedding-night of a marriage between a (much) older woman and a (much) younger man, Belle Barth said: She's screaming ""It hurts, it hurts"" and he's holding on to the bedposts to keep from falling in ... Now I ask you - do you agree that the actual rhythm of that one-liner is very close to the kinds of rhythms that Joan Rivers used in hers? If so, can you think of one-liners you've heard t…

My PhD student claims to have made a breakthrough in hyperbolic mathematics Turns out he was just exaggerating

My doctor told me that I had Eczema on my elbow... I told him that was pretty redundant. Eggs on my on my elbow? So much for that PhD. I just hope it goes away before they hatch...

Greek PhD A doctor sees a patient in his clinic who needed stitches in his hand. The doctor takes the man in and stitches his hand up, and the two make small talk, and man learns that the doctor actually attended medical school and got his PhD in Greece. The man's hand becomes infected in a few days because the stitching was done incorrectly. When he goes back to the clinic to get it fixed, the doctor says he doesn't know how. The man asks him how he can be a doctor but not know how to fix this …

Ph.D students should not eat apples... Because an apple a day keeps the doctor away.

The Cheerio Story So everybody knows that there are 3 types of Cheerios in the world. There is the Blueberry Cheerio, the Strawberry Cheerio, and the Honeynut Cheerio. We also know, to date and mate, the Cheerios are limited to only Cheerios of their own kind, ie. Strawberry Cheerios must date and mate with only Strawberry Cheerios and so on and so forth. Our story starts with that of a young male Honeynut Cheerio, let's call him George. Now George is quite the smart guy who has graduated from t…

""Did you hear? Lament's gettin' a Ph.D."" ""What does Ph.D. stand for?"" ""in his case Pin-headed Dope.""

A physicist, an engineer and a statistician are on a hunting trip... ... they are walking through the woods when they spot a deer in a clearing. The physicist calculates the distance of the target, the velocity and drop of the bullet, adjusts his rifle and fires, missing the deer 5 feet to the left. The engineer rolls his eyes. 'You forgot to account for wind. Give it here', he snatches the rifle, licks his finger and estimates the speed and direction of the wind and fires, missing the deer 5 …

normally don't like longer jokes but, this is funny A US Navy cruiser was anchored in Mississippi for a week's shore leave. The first evening in port, the ship's Captain received the following note from the wife of a very wealthy, influential plantation owner (who also happened to be a very generous political donor). It read: "Dear Captain, Thursday will be my daughter's Debutante Ball. I would like for you to send four (4) well-mannered, handsome, unmarried officers in their full formal d…

My chemistry professor e-mailed this joke to me. ***A joke from my chemistry professor:*** There is a far-off place that consists of a triangular lake surrounded by land, with three kingdoms on the three sides of the lake. The first kingdom is rich and powerful, filled with wealthy, prosperous people. The second kingdom is more humble, but has its fair share of wealth and power, too. The third kingdom is struggling and poor, and barely has an army. The kingdoms eventually go to war over cont…

How to get a PhD in Music In some colleges of music, part of the doctoral requirement is to compose an original full length symphony. Because modern music sounds so weird, a good ploy is to take a well-known classical symphony, write it backwards and submit it as an original work. One student took the daring step of taking his professor's doctoral symphony and reversing it. The student failed to receive his degree. The examiners remarked, "You just reproduced Sibelius' Fourth Symphony with not …

Appeal to authority isn’t an an actual logical fallacy I should know, I have a PhD in logic

My nerdy friend just got a PhD on the history of palindromes. Now we call him Dr. Awkward.

A US Navy cruiser anchored in Mississippi for a week's shore leave. The first evening, the ship's Captain received the following note from the wife of a very wealthy and influential plantation owner: "Dear Captain, Thursday will be my daughter's Debutante Ball. I would like you to send four well-mannered, handsome, unmarried officers in their formal dress uniforms to attend the dance. They should arrive promptly at 8:00 PM prepared for an evening of polite Southern conversation. They should be…

""My first son has a PHD in arts my daughter has two degrees in communication and jornalism and my youngest son is a burglar.""

What do you call someone who does a BA in Arts a MA in English and a PhD in Gender Studies?

I recently received my PhD in palindromes. I now go by Dr. Awkward

How to get a PhD in Music In some colleges of music

"My first son has a PHD in arts, my daughter has two degrees in communication and jornalism and my youngest son is a burglar." Friend: "Wow a burglar? You should kick him out!" Dad: "Nah... he is the only one who makes money."

How do people with a PHD get a free day off of work?,"They write themselves a doctor note (some shitty oc for ya'll) edit: okay not oc but not repost i need dat karma to feed kids

What does the Chinese government call an American with a PhD in physics, math and chemistry? STUPID AMERICAN!

What do you call someone who does a BA in Arts, a MA in English and a PhD in Gender Studies? A well educated Barista

What does a Trumpie call a woman with a PhD and a Nobel Prize? Bitch.

How do people with a PHD get a free day off of work? They write themselves a doctor note (some shitty oc for ya'll) edit: okay not oc but not repost, i need dat karma to feed kids