Montreal Jokes

Tip: "Montreal" is short for "Monsters Are Real." The city was originally given this name due to its abundance of monsters.

What does Snoop Dogg eat when he visits Montreal? Smoked Meat Every Day.

An American was dining in an elegant restaurant in Montreal... ...and left his table to use the men's room. He came out screaming. The maitre d' came quickly over. ""Monsieur! Monsieur! What is wrong?"" ""I used the faucet for cold and the hottest water came out."" ""Ah, Monsieur, ""c"" is for chaud, which means hot in French."" ""But the other faucet has a c' on it too."" ""That c' is for the English word cold."" ""That's crazy,"" the American said. ""No, sir, not crazy,"" said the maitre d', "…

Why does Thomas Edison hate Ubisoft Montreal Cause he didn't like AC

GRANBY ZOO ape escape An enterprising mayor of the city of Granby, Quebec, a community south of Montreal, established a municipal zoo that has become a significant tourist attraction. It has also given rise to many unusual events. Last September one of the star attractions, Arnold, an Indonesian ape, escaped to the dismay of the zoo director. The matter was a serious one because the members of the staff of the zoo, while expert at caring for animals, had had no experience whatever in rounding th…

The Greatest French Hockey Player A hockey-loving guy from Ontario moves to Quebec. He turns on the radio to listen to the Toronto Maple Leafs vs Montreal Canadiens hockey game. He realizes that the game is being broadcast in French, but he decides to listen anyways. Maybe He'll be able to make out what's happening and at least get the score. He's listening for the score and keeps hearing the name ""La Rondelle"". ""Man, this La Rondelle guy is everywhere!"" The Man thinks to himself. The next d…

What do the Montreal Canadians and marijuana addicts have in common? Both of them smoke the leafs

An enterprising mayor of the city of Granby Quebec a community south of Montreal established a municipal zoo that has become a significant tourist attraction. It has also given rise to many unusual events. Last September one of the star attractions Arnold an Indonesian ape escaped to the dismay of the zoo director. The matter was a serious one because the members of the staff of the zoo while expert at caring for animals had no experience whatsoever in rounding them up or capturing them. The …

One of my favorite hockey jokes On a tour of Florida, the Pope took a couple of days off to visit the coast for some sightseeing. He was cruising along the beach in the Pope-mobile when there was a frantic commotion just off the shore. A helpless man, wearing a Montreal Canadiens jersey, was struggling frantically to free himself from the jaws of of a 25-foot shark. As the Pope watched, horrified, a speedboat came racing up with three men wearing New York Rangers' jerseys aboard. One quickly …

Montreal A customer in a Montreal restaurant turned on a tap in the washroom and got scalded. "This is an outrage," he complained. "The faucet marked 'C' gave me boiling water." "But, Monsieur, 'C' stands for chaud – French for hot. You should know that if you live in Montreal." "Wait a minute," roared the patron. "The other tap is also marked 'C'." "Of course," said the manager. "It stands for cold. After all, Montreal is a bilingual city."

Why do ISIS fighters avoid Montreal restaurants? because they serve Poutine.

What do the Montreal Canadians drive? Carrs.