Main Street Jokes

This is bullshit. I surrender my keys after 8 tequila shots and this cop is all, "Ma'am, you can't walk down Main Street in your underwear."

I recently attended a funeral And the procession was going up a steep hill on Main Street. Well all of a sudden the door of the hearst flew open and the coffin fell out. Since the road was so steep it flew back down Main street and into a pharmacy where it crashed into the counter. The lids popped open and the deceased says to the astonished pharmacist, ""You got anything to stop this coffin?""

Joey's walking down Main Street when he passes George, and George looks frantic. ""Joey! Joey, you gotta help me,"" says George. ""Why? What's wrong?"" ""It's Phil! He's suicidal! You gotta go talk to him. He just got a job at the new soda pop bottling plant, and it's ruining him."" So Joey rushes down the soda pop plant to talk to Phil. ""Phil! What's wrong? I just saw Joey and he said you were really upset by your new job."" ""What? I don't know why he'd say that. I saw him earlier today, and …

One day, Jimmy Jones was walking down Main Street when he saw his buddy Bubba driving a brand new pickup. Bubba pulled up to him with a wide grin. Bubba, where'd you git that truck?!?"" Tammie give it to me"" Bubba replied. ""She give it to ya? I know'd she wuz kinda sweet on ya, but a New truck?"" ""Well, Jimmy Jones, let me tell you what happened. We wuz drivin' out on County Road 6, in the middle of nowheres. Tammie pulled off the road, put the truck in 4-wheel drive, and headed into the wood…

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. ""But officer!"" the man began, ""I don't have time for this right now!"" ""Just be quiet,"" snapped the officer. ""I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back."" ""But officer,"" replied the motorist. ""I just wanted to say..."" ""And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!"", barked the officer. A few hours later, the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, ""Lucky for you …

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. ""But officer"" the man began ""I can explain"" ""Just be quiet"" snapped the officer. ""I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back."" ""But officer I just wanted to say"" ""And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!"" A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said ""Lucky for you that the chief's at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets…

eer booze and fun!' 'It seems a gentleman had too much alcohol at a party was heading home and was pulled over by a state trooper. Upon being tested the fellow couldn't walk a straight line any more than he could drive one so the trooper wrote out a ticket and had just given it to the driver before an accident in the opposite lane took his attention to more important matters. The inebriated driver figuring that the trooper wasn't coming back to him drove home and went to bed. he was awakened i…

So a while back the Pope went on a visit... to a city. He was trying to get across town without attracting too much attention, so instead of the Popemobile, he was driving in a heavily armored SUV with very tinted windows. So the chauffeur is driving the Pope around, and the Pope gets to wondering. "Man," he thinks, "I haven't driven in ages, not since I was a bishop." He promptly orders the chauffeur to pull over and get in the back seat. The Pope gets in front, slams his foot down on the gas…

Speeding motorist A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. "But officer," the man began, "I can explain." "Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back." "But, officer, I just wanted to say,..." "And I said keep quiet! You're going to jail!" A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief's at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a goo…

Speeding A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. "But, officer," the man began, "I can explain" "Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back." "But, officer, I just wanted to say" "And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!" A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief's at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood whe…

Two men are talking in a bar... ...the first man asks the other, "So where are you from?" The other man replies "Ireland." The first man replies "No way, me too! I'll drink to that." The two men down their beers. "So where in Ireland are you from?" the second man says. "Dublin." "No kidding, me too!" he replies. Once again, they down their drinks. "Where in Dublin did you live?" asks the first man. "Main Street, and yourself?" the other replies. "I lived on Main Street too! Cheers!" h…

Good mood A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. "But, officer" the man began "I can explain" "Just be quiet" snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back." "But, officer, I just wanted to say" "And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!" A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said "Lucky for you that the chief's at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when h…

A police officer stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. ""But officer

I recently attended a funeral And the procession was going up a steep hill on Main Street. Well all of a sudden the door of the hearst flew open and the coffin fell out. Since the road was so steep it flew back down Main street and into a pharmacy where it crashed into the counter. The lids popped open and the deceased says to the astonished pharmacist

I wanted to see how fast I could drive my new car down Main Street. I managed to hit 60 before getting pulled over. Most of them survived with only minor injuries.