Liverpool Jokes

Three England fans on their way to the world cup fin a magic lamp.. Three England fans on their way to the world cup find a magic lamp on the road, the first one picks it up and a genie comes out! "England fans?!" says the genie, puzzled at how they made it to the world cup.. "Well I guess you get one wish each like everyone else. What do you choose?" The first England fan blurts out, "Rooney! I want Wayne Rooney to break his World Cup curse and finally score!" "Done" says the genie. The s…

England doesn't have kidney banks, but it has a Liverpool.

An English man, Irish man and Scottish man... Are on a plane and the pilot comes out and issues everyone a challange, "if you can guess where we are by sticking your hand out of the window ill give you 50 grand" the Scottish man quickly jumps up and sticks his hand out of the window "we are in Dundee" he guessed, the pilot shakes his head. Then the Irish man trys "we are in Dublin" he guesses, again the pilot shakes his head, then the English man steps up, "we are in Liverpool" he says, shocked…

4 English Football Fans are in a plane crash Four English Football fans, a Manchester United Fan, a Liverpool Fan, an Arsenal fan and a Chelsea fan are friends and all go on a holiday together to Europe but the plane taking them crashes in the Alps. The Chelsea fan dies on impact and the other 3 are the only survivors. They are left alone without food or rescue for weeks and they realise that the only chance for the 3 of them to continue to survive is to resort to cannibalism and eat the Chel…

I've just purchased a house in Liverpool. It's a 2 up, 5 down.

A German truck driver is sitting in a Liverpool bar mouthing off about how lazy the British are. He says 'I drive my truck from Hamburg to Liverpool via Holland/Belgium over to the UK and up to Liverpool

German lorry driver sat in Liverpool bar mouthing off about how lazy the British are... He says 'I drive my truck from Hamburg to Liverpool via Holland/Belgium over to the UK and up to Liverpool

England has no kidney bank... But it does have a Liverpool.

What's the best thing about owning a car in Liverpool? You'll eventually end up with enough bricks to build a free garage.

The pride of the people of Liverpool took a bit of a knock today when they found out that there's a concert being held for them in Ethiopia.

Police in Liverpool cordoned off an area of the city following sightings of an unidentified circular object, never seen before. It turned out to be a tax disc.

Two flies from Liverpool were sitting on a poop. One turned to the other and said: "I haven't seen you around for a while." "Yeah," said the other. "I've been on the sick."

4 men were stranded in a desert. Suddenly, 1 of them died. The other 3 decided that the only way to survive was to eat the dead body. The 1st man said, "I support Liverpool, so I'll eat his liver." The 2nd man said, "I support Manchester, so I'll eat his chest." The 3rd man said, "I support Arsenal... but I'm not very hungry!"