Jamaica Jokes

[oc] I just bought a new computer. It is Made in Jamaica. Runs really fast, but doesn't do anything useful.

Recently, I've started to do crosswords a lot. Like those really cryptic ones you get in the weekend papers, with clues like 'fish worn on head, (5, 7,)', and stuff like that. I get really intense about them, though, and can't stand starting a new one until I've finished the last one. I refuse to use dictionaries and things on principle, and I'll sit and ponder them until something comes along. Anyway, I'd been working on one for about a month straight, stuck on one last clue. I'd stopped going …

Dear Husband: I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell.. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new negligee. You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to …

Joe grew up in Jamaica, then moved away to attend college and law school. He decided to come back to Jamaica because he felt he could be a Big Shot at home. He really wanted to impress everyone. So he returned and opened his new law office in New Kingston. The first day, he saw a man coming up the passageway. He decided to make a big impression on this potential client when he arrived. As the man came to the door Joe picked up the phone. He motioned the man in, all the while talking. ""No. Absol…

My wife went to the West Indies for her holidays. Jamaica? No, she wanted to go.

A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section of the plane. The stewardess rushes over to her and tells her she must move to coach because she doesn't have a first class ticket. The blonde replies ""I'm blonde I'm smart I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica."" The disgusted stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the blonde to leave. The blonde yet again repeats ""I'm blonde I'm smart I have a good job and I'm staying in first class …

So an American businessman and a Jamaican travel guide both walk into a bathroom... An American businessman and a Jamaican travel guide both walk into a bathroom. They step up to the urinals next to each other and undo their trousers. The Jamaican man happens to glance over to his side while going about his business and catches a glimpse of the American man's member. He notices a familiar tattoo on it that reads "WY". The Jamaican forces himself to say something, seeing as he too has a tattoo o…

Vacation in Jamaica Lady goes on vacation to Jamaica.  Upon arriving, she meets a black man, and after a night of passionate love making she asks him, 'What is your name?' 'I can't tell you,' the black  man says. Every night they meet and every night  she asks him again what his name is, and he always responds the same, he can't tell her. On her last  night there she asks again 'Can you please tell me your name?' 'I can't tell you my name because you will laugh at me.' says the black  man. …

A blonde gets on an airplane A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section of the plane. The stewardess rushes over to her and tells her she must move to coach because she doesn't have a first class ticket. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job, and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica." The disgusted stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the blonde to leave. The blonde yet again repeats "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good jo…

Blonde boards a airplane A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section of the plane. The stewardess rushes over to her and tells her she must move to coach because she doesn’t have a first class ticket. The blonde replies, “I’m blonde, I’m smart, I have a good job, and I’m staying in first class until we reach Jamaica.” The disgusted stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the blonde to leave. The blonde yet again repeats “I’m blonde, I’m smart, I have a good job an…

I like your thinking... [LONG] Little Jim was in class, learning about the Caribbean. The teacher asks Jim, "What is the capital of Jamaica, to which Jim replied "There isn't a capital because all of the Caribbean is territories" his teacher corrected him saying "Jim, Jamaica is actually a country and the answer is Kingston, but I like your thinking." Jim was satisfied with this answer but proceeded to reply "Ok Miss, let me quiz you, I have my hand in my pocket feeling something hard with a he…

A guy told his neighbour that his wife has gone on holiday to the West Indies The neighbour said “Jamaica?” The guy said “no, she went of her own accord”

A rastafarian's bus fare A Rasta was sitting in the bus in Jamaica and he was looking for his bus fare but he couldn't find it. So he shouted out that whoever took his bus fare better return it, or what happened in 1976 would have to happen again. So everyone panicked and started scrambling to find the man's bus fare and eventually someone finds it and returns it to him. Curiosity got the better of one man and he finally tapped the Rasta on his shoulder and asked "Rasta man, what really happe…

A slice of apple pie is $2.5 in Jamaica and $3.0 in the Bahamas. These are the pie rates of the Caribbean :)

pie In Jamaica you can buy a steak and kidney pie for $1.75, a chicken and mushroom pie for $1.60 and an apple pie for $2.15. ​ In St Kitts and Nevis, a steak and kidney pie will cost you $2, a chicken pie (without mushrooms) is $1.70 and a cherry pie can be yours for $1.95. ​ In Trinidad and Tobago, that a steak and kidney pie comes in at $2.50, but you can get two for $3.50, while the chicken and mushroom pie is $2.25, or two for $3.25. They also offer a meat and potato pie…

In Jamaica you can get a steak and kidney pie for £1.75… …a chicken and mushroom pie for £1.60 and an apple pie for £2.15. In St Kitts and Nevis a steak and kidney pie will cost you £2, a chicken pie (without mushrooms) is £1.70 and a cherry pie can be yours for £1.95. In Trinidad and Tobago, that steak and kidney pie comes in at £2.50, but you can two for £3.50, while the chicken and mushroom pie is £2.25, or two for £3.25. They also offer meat and potato pie for £2, or two for £3. Their app…

A woman goes on vacation to Jamaica. Upon arriving

In Jamaica In Jamaica you can get a steak and kidney pie for £1.75

Halloween in Jamaica It's Halloween in Jamaica and some friends are organising a costume party. Everyone's told that the theme of the party is Moods and Feelings.

A married couple were on a vacation in Jamaica They were touring around the marketplace looking at the goods and such

Have you heard about the shampoo crisis in jamaica? It's dreadful

If my friends and I torrent in Jamaica Does that make us Pirates of the Caribbean?

Why is unemployment rising in Jamaica? Because they're jahbless!

What do you call glass cookware from Jamaica? Pyrex of the Caribbean

What do you call a politically powerful shrub in Jamaica? A hegemon.