Ikea Jokes

I tried to sell Ikea my new range of combat furniture. It wasn't going well, so I decided to chair the meeting. A couple of minutes later, it was all-out wardrobe.

The Wolf of Wall Street broke the record for saying the f-word 506 times The previous record was held by my dad putting together a table from IKEA.

Why cant some one stay straight while playing hide n seek in IKEA?... ...cuz they'll have to come out of the closet at some point.

IKEA has invented a half full glass for optimists, that can ALSO serve as a half empty glass for pessimists!!!

Casino Hotel I walked up to the hotel front desk at one of the casinos in Atlantic City last week. I asked them how much their rooms were, and the lady told me they were $10 per night. I asked why they were so cheap, and she said they weren't like other hotels, there's a few things that the customers need to do themselves that would normally be done by the hotel staff. For instance, she said I would need to make my own bed. I figured no problem, I do that every day at home. So I gave her my cred…

Two people have been killed and another seriously injured in a knife attack at an Ikea store in Sweden. Police are currently at the crime scene trying to piece the evidence together.

Every morning when I wake up, the first thing I do is make my bed. I think I'll return the piece of shit to Ikea!

Like my therapist always says, ""I'm not your therapist, you're just laying on a couch in Ikea""

I speak Swedish with an Ikea accent.

We All KEA! My first day on the job at an IKEA store, I was told by my boss that employees needed to go to the meeting room before every shift. I asked why. He said, ""Assembly required.""

So I'm in Ikea.... ...and I ask the salesperson, "Is this a finished desk?" and she says, "No, it's Swedish." (edited to make more better)

What do you get if you eat too many IKEA meatballs? Bärf

The CEO of IKEA was elected Prime Minister in Sweden... He should have his cabinet together by the end of the weekend.

Just found out that the boss of IKEA is the new Prime Minister of Sweden He's still assembling his new cabinet

Every morning after I wake up, the first thing I do is make my bed. I shouldn’t have bought this piece of shit from IKEA.

The CEO of IKEA has just been elected Prime Minister of Sweden He's currently assembling his cabinet...

A guy walks into a bar A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Every morning after I wake up, the first thing I do is make my bed," he tells the bartender. "Good for you," the bartender says. "I hear that's one of those things highly efficient people do," "Maybe so," the guy agrees. "But tomorrow I'm taking that damn thing back to Ikea."

The CEO of IKEA has just been appointed as the Prime Minister of Sweden. He's currently assembling his cabinet.

IKEA founder Ingvar Kamprad dies at 91. His funeral has been postponed until his family get the screw that wasn't included with his KÖFFIN product

Now that Ingvar Kamprad the founder of IKEA

I assembled an IKEA keyboard it's amain ho many spare parts they ive you

IKEA Lesbian beds Now on sale at IKEA –Lesbian beds

I have a joke about Ikea but I can't put it together

So I'm in Ikea.... ...and I ask the salesperson

..Trump said "Buy american, Hire american" Standing on an Ikea podium from *Sweden*, behind bullet proof by Saint Gobain Glass from *France*, smiling at a 4K Sony *Japanese* Video camera, speaking into a Dolby Sennheiser *German* microphone, with vigorous hand gestures giving a glimpse of a Rolex under the cuff made in *Switzerland* he patriotically said ..*"Buy American, Hire American, Stop Immigrants".* while standing beside a *Slovenian wife*