Ikea Jokes

I named my daughter Dagstorp after where she was conceived (Ikea sofa)

I like that all the Ikea instructions illustrations always assume I have a friend.

All the king's horses and men stand over Humpty. Puzzled, they go back to reading the IKEA instructions.

Ikea meatballs pulled from shelves because they contain horse meat. Man, that's the last time I buy meatballs at a furniture store.

People don't realize that Ikea catalogs are also a book of baby names. Anyway, I'm late to take FLARDFULL and ODMJUK on their play date.

Apparently "some assembly required" is IKEA for "here's a beech tree and some nails."

Rosetta Stone is the fastest way to learn how to pronounce the names of Ikea products.

How to dress like Lady Gaga: 1. Go to ikea. 2. Pick a object that doesn't belong on your head. 3. Put it on your head.

Any time you see a mass suicide case on the news, you can pretty much assume the assembly of an IKEA product was the cause.

everyone i ever dated is impressed when i namedrop foreign authors but never bothers to check if they're just ikea product names (they are)

My life is like a beautiful piece of furniture from IKEA. Once I figure out how to put it all together, I may get to actually enjoy it.

Premarital counseling should be having the couple put together IKEA furniture with limited Wi-Fi connection. #weddingparty #romance

It's kinda bullshit that carpenter ants can't even build IKEA furniture.

If at first you don't succeed, you're assembling furniture from IKEA.

those fake living rooms at IKEA should have a couple in them trying to assemble IKEA furniture and fighting

*Putting ikea furniture together* Her: ummm, it's supposed to be a dresser Me:* Standing next to a wooden T.Rex* I KNOW WHAT IM DOING, LINDA

Tilda Swinton is what happens when a lamp from IKEA becomes self aware.

Ikea said if they catch me stealing any more kitchen utensils I'll be banned for life. But I'm willing to take the whisk.

Top 5 causes of loose stools: 5. Indian food 4. Lactose 3. Coffee 2. Mexican food 1. IKEA

"The bad news is that you've had a stroke. The good news is that IKEA has hired you to name all their new products!"

saw girl I have crush on with her new fiance at Ikea but you know what they say, when God closes a Stras Innjrden he opens a Fonstrvivig

Meets girl at bar. Takes her to Ikea. Quickly learns the difference between one-night stand and one nightstand.

thought being on acid at ikea would be scary but it was fine and i told people who walked the wrong way "there are arrows here to guide you"

Pal - "Can you help me put this IKEA desk together?" Me - "I'll need a screwdriver." Pal - "Sure what type?" Me - "Greygoose or Kettle One."

40% of divorces stem from $ issues. 40% are caused by infidelity. The remaining 20% have been linked to IKEA purchases requiring assembly.