First Prisoner Jokes

So there are three prisoners who have all been sentenced to twenty years behind bars. They are all allowed to have a few items in their cell. The first prisoner asks for a pile of law books, the second for his wife, and the third for three thousand cigarettes. When they are released the first prisoner walks out happy and says, ""Thank god for those books. I can now finally fulfill my dream of being a lawyer. The second walks out and says, ""Thank god for my wife. I now have four children and I a…

Cannibals and Fruit This is almost certainly a repost, but I'm fairly new and it was one of my favorite jokes growing up, so I'm going for it. Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they had to take part in an ancient trial. If just one of them could pass, they'd all be set free, but if all three failed, they'd be killed and eaten. The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit.…

Morning Inspection at a POW camp This joke needs an accent and some body motions for full effect. (I included them in parenthesis) At a German POW Camp the Commanding officer inspects the prisoners each morning in a line up. One Day as he's going down the line he gets to the final three prisoners and inspects them. The first prisoner is jerking his head side to side, and as his head goes back and forth, he makes peculiar sounds. ""Tick (head jerks left), Tock (head jerks right), Tick , Tock"" Th…

Three Escaped Prisoners Three men - who were not the brightest of individuals - escaped from prison one evening. They knew that the authorities would be hot on their tail in only a matter of minutes, so they decided to find somewhere to hide on a nearby farm. The first prisoner climbed an apple tree, then kept as still as he could within the dense leaves. The second crawled beneath the front steps of the farmhouse, then froze in place. The third prisoner covered himself with several burlap sacks…

There are multiple prisoners in a Nazi concentration camp The commandant walks through the line of prisoners and instructs each one to act like a clock. The first prisoner says ""tick"", the second says ""tock"", and so on and so forth. However, the last prisoner refuses to make a ""tock"" sound. The commandant walks up to the prisoner and tells him, (German accent) ""You know we have ways of making you tock"".

A prisoner was cleaning the walls in his cell with a flannel... ...when the prisoner in the next cell asked if he can use it. ""Sure,"" the first prisoner said and he gave him it. This struck up a conversation and the first prisoner asked, ""So how did you end up in here mate?"" ""Well,"" he replied, ""It's a funny story. I was low on cash and saw a guy walking down the street and mugged him. Stole his money and everything. The sad thing is though, he only had two pence, so basically I'm in here…

A prison guard asked three prisoners how they got in jail... The first prisoner replies, "I was blowing bubbles in the park." The second replies "I was also blowing bubbles in the park." When the guard gets to the third prisoner he says "let me guess, you were blowing bubbles in the park." Then the third prisoner replies "no, im bubbles."

One of my Grandpa's favorites: The Nazi POW Camp In the middle of WWII, some British soldiers were captured by the Germans and taken to a POW camp. They were to be put to work on either the day shift or the night shift, round the clock so the work would never cease. "Ve vill count off by twos," said the camp warden, "but you British pig-dogs are likely too stupid to count zat high. So instead, one person vill say 'tick,' and the next vill say 'tock.' Is zis clear?" The prisoners nodded, be…

Not Another Russian Joke! Three poor souls are languishing in Gulag and have violated the camp curfew. The punishment for the this is 10 lashes across the back. The camp warden is a somewhat compassionate and he allows the three to choose one item to place on their backs to minimize the injury. The first prisoner was a German scientist and, thinking himself brilliant, asked that they spread motor oil across his back, hoping the lubrication would cause the whip to slide off rather than stic…