Edward Jokes

'Father Christmas has two reindeer. He calls one Edward and the other one Edward! I bet you can't tell me why he does that!' 'Oh yes I can.' the elf said. 'Because tow 'Eds are better than one of course!'

Proper Manners During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question: "Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?" Michael said, "Just a minute I have to go pee." The teacher responded by saying, "That would be rude and impolite. What about you Sherman, how would you say it?" Sherman said, "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll…

The Divorced Virgin A lawyer married a woman who had been divorced five times. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin." "What?" said the puzzled groom, "How can that be if you've been married five times?" "Well, Jim was a sales representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be but didn't know how to close. Kevin was in marketing; although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it. Edward was an engineer; he und…

A guy is talking with his friend Edward... ...and asks him: -What do dead and black people have in common? -Well, I don't know. -They both get a rest, Ed.

Royal Wedding On the day of the Royal wedding, Sophie was getting dressed, surrounded by all of her family. She suddenly realised she had forgotten to get any shoes. Panic! Then her sister remembered that she had a pair of white shoes from her wedding so she lent them to Sophie for the day. Unfortunately they were a bit too small and by the time the festivities were over Sophie's feet was hurting real bad. When she and Edward withdrew to their room the only thing she could think of was getting …

A young punctuation couple, Mr. Apostrophe and Mrs. Comma… A young punctuation couple, Mr. Apostrophe and Mrs. Comma, wanted to have a child, but sadly, could not. So, they decided to adopt a little Period and named him Edward. They loved Edward very much and he grew to be a fine young punctuation mark. However, Edward knew he was different, as he didn't have a tail like his parents. When he got older, he started to ask Momma Comma why he was so different from her and Papa Apostrophe. So, …

Not to spoil the Eclipse for anyone tomorrow but... Bella chooses Edward.

A guy is talking with his friend Edward... ...and asks him:

Why couldn't Edward leave Russia? Because he was Snowden.

Why didn't Edward leave his house? Because he was Snowden.

Why was Edward stuck at the Russian airport? Because he was Snowden.

Why could Edward not leave his driveway and get back to his home country? He was Snowden.

Why is Edward still in Russia? He's Snowden.

What's Edward Elric's favorite band? My Alchemical Romance

Why didn't Edward get on the plane? Cause it was snowed-in.

Have you seen the clown that hides from gay people? Edward asked. "No, why?" Timothy asks back

Why did Edward miss his flight out of Russia? Because he was Snowden.

“Hello! Hello!” exclaimed the elderly woman upon answering the telephone. “Who is this?” “Albert.” “Who? I can’t hear a word you say.” “Albert” shouted the young man. “A-l-b-e-r-t. A for Arthur, L for Lionel, B for Bertram, E for Edward, R for Robert, T for Tommie.” “Yes, yes” replied the old lady. “But which of you boys wants to speak to me!?”

Peter to Edward: Your friend is kissing your wife in your home. Edward rushed home angrily. After half an hour, he came back and slapped Peter. Edward said: You fool, he is not my friend.

Once Edward and Mike were going in a jungle, Suddenly they saw one tiger coming towards them. To save themselves they climbed a tree and both sat on one branch. The tiger came under the tree and sat down. Edward told Mike, ” just to pass Time Why don’t you sing some song” Mike started to sing. After singing four songs he hanged upside down on the branch and then again sung four songs. After singing all the songs, Mike came back to his original position. Edward asked curiosly, “Mike, You sung fou…

Edward saw two workers in Karachi. One of them dig a hole, and the other guy immediately fill it with soil again. They repeated the work again and again. Edward couldn’t understand their job. He asked them about it. Workers replied: The third guy who plants the trees in holes is on leave today, & we are doing our duty.

(Edward thinking while reading) “Oh wind, are you also like me? Turning pages of the textbook without learning!”

Edward asks his mum, “How many birthdays has Dad had?” “42” his mum replies. “No he's only had one; the others were anniversaries!”

Edward complained to his friend about his wife. “My wife never agrees with anything I say. And we have been married for six years.” said Edward. Mrs Edward intervened, “Not six we have been married for seven years!”

Edward walks out of a bar, stumbling back and forth with a key in his hand. A cop on the beat sees him and approaches. "Can I help you, fella?", asks the cop. "Yesssh, ssshombody stol my car!" Edward replies. The cop asks, "Okay, where was your car the last time you saw it?" "It was at the end of this key", Edward replies. At this point the cop looks down to see that Edwards p*nis is hanging out of his trousers. The cop asks Edward , "Hey buddy, are you aware that you're exposing yourself? Edwar…