Don T Jokes

4 stages of life 1. You believe in Santa 2. You don t believe in Santa 3. You are Santa 4. You look like Santa

1 out of every 5 people in the world is chinese. Was a fact little Tyshawn read. He then thought: Well, there are 5 brothers and sister in my family, so that means one of us would be chinese. I know it s not me. I don t think it s Monique my sister. It could be Jamal the eldest, Jerome the 2nd, or even my little bro Jin Lee. But something tells me it s Jerome.

i m friends with 25 letters of the alphabet I don t know y DDD

Little Timmy was told that everybody has a secret. Little Timmy was told at school today, that everybody had a secret, so dark that they would do anything to keep it a secret. So he decided to test this out. He went to his mom and looked straight into her eyes and said : Mom I know your secret. And without a moment passing his mom burst in tears and handed him 20 dollars, telling him to keep the secret to himself. With 20 dollars in his pocket, he was quick running to his father, staring at him …

Two drunk men enter a brothel Two heavily drunk men enter a brothel. They walk straight up to the owner and ask for some beautiful girls to get it on with. The owner, seeing in what bad condition they both are, thinks that none of the ladies would be too pleased, but still has an idea how to make profit off them. He tells them ""No problem guys, I can arrange two seperate rooms, and each of you will have a beautiful lady waiting for you there."" Figuring how drunk they are, he hurries upstairs t…

why don 't women wear watches? there's a clock on the stove

An Israeli group travels to the Chech Republic. They want to visit Auschwitz, and have a guided tour. On the way from their hotel to the camp their bus breaks down. The guide, embarrassed because of this, thinks of a way to meet the deadline for the tour. He sees a farm in the distance, and rushes to it. He knocks on the door of the house, and an old chech man opens. ""Hello! We re from Israel and want to go to Auschwitz, but our bus broke down. Might you be able to help us?"" ""How many of you …

Urugay still complaining about Suarez punishment: ""Don t forget that 4 human months are 2 dog years.""

A bus driver sees old lady coming to talk to him... and she has a handful of raisins. -Would you mind to eat these raisins? I don t like the taste of them, The bus driver is confused but hungry and gladly accepts the offer. He starts again driving and after riding for 3 miles, the bus driver sees that the same old lady is there with a handful of raisins. -You seemed to like the raisins. I have some more for you The bus driver, still hungry, takes the raisins, thanks the old lady and continues dr…

An old man goes to see the doctor... and tells that he has been a smoker for 29 years and that he needs to quit because his lungs can not take it anymore. ""I could stop smoking, except that I can t wake up if I don t get my morning cigar, and I don t get any sleep if I don t smoke one cigar before going to bed."" The doctor thinks for a while. It is a tricky situation, but he needs to get the man to stop, or the man s lungs will collapse. ""Okay, here s what you do. You buy one cigar, and befor…

Stop with the blind jokes ... I don t see the point.

Mrs. Culkin was convinced that she had heard a prowler in the living room... At 2 a. m, Mrs. Culkin was convinced that she had heard a prowler in the living room. "Tiptoe down-stairs," she told her husband. "Don' t turn on the lights. Sneak up him before he knows what's happening." Dutifully Mr. Culkin put on his robe. Just as he reached the bedroom door, his wife added, "And when you come back, bring me a glass of milk."

A guy asked a girl in a university library... ..."Do you mind if I sit beside you?” The girl replied with a loud voice, "NO, I DON 'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!" All the students in the library started staring at the guy; he was truly embarrassed. After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy 's table and said, "I study psychology, and I know what a man is thinking. I guess you felt embarrassed, right?” The guy then responded with a loud voice, “$500 FOR ONE NIGHT? THA…

Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up. But then the wife stops and says, "I don' t feel like it. I just want you to hold me." The husband says " WHAT???" The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a woman. The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it. So the next day the husband takes her shopping at a big dept. store. He walks around and had her try on three very expensive outfit…