Abe Jokes

Abe thinks his wife is trying to poison him. Abe goes to see his Rabbi. "Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it." The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong, Abe?" Abe replied, "My wife is poisoning me." The Rabbi was very surprised by this and asks, "How can that be?" Abe then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me, what should I do?" The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you kno…

Baseball in Heaven There were two old guys, Abe and Sol, sitting on a bench in a park feeding pigeons and talking about baseball, just like they did every day. Abe turns to Sol and says, "Do you think there's baseball in heaven?" Sol thinks about it for a minute and replies, "I dunno, Abe. But let's make a deal: If I die first, I will come back and tell you -- and if you die first, you come back and tell me -- if there is baseball in heaven." They shake on it and, sadly, a few months later …

A man died and went to heaven... A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the pearly gates he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, "What are all those clocks?" St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks, everyone on earth has a lie clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move." "Oh," said the man, "Whose clock is that?" "That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie." "Incredible," said the man. …

A man died and went to heaven As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, "What are all those clocks?" St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move." "Oh," said the man, "whose clock is that?" "That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie." "Incredible," said the man. "That's Abraham L…

An archaeologist was digging in the Negev Desert in Israel... and came upon a casket containing a mummy, a rather rare occurrence in Israel, to say the least. After examining it, he called Abe, the curator of the Israel museum in Jerusalem. "I've just discovered a 3,000 year old mummy of a man who died of heart failure!" the excited scientist exclaimed.Abe replied, "Bring him in. We'll check it out." A week later, the amazed Abe called the archaeologist. "You were right about both the mummy's…

Stranded on an island Abe and Esther are flying to Australia for a two-week vacation to celebrate their 40th anniversary. ​ Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces, ​ “Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. “ ​ “Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we may never be rescu…

Two old men Abe and Sol

Abe and Esther are flying to Australia for a two week vacation to celebrate their 40th anniversary. Suddenly

What do you name the male and female twin monkeys? Abe and Anna

Knock Knock Who's there? Adolf! Adolf who? Adolf ball hit me in the mouth! 1690. Knock Knock Who's there? Aesop! Aesop who? Aesop I saw a puddy cat! 1691. Knock Knock Who's there? Abe! Abe who? Abe C D E F G H...! 1692. Knock Knock Who's there? Abyssinia! Abyssinia who? Abyssinia behind bars one of these days! 1693. Knock Knock Who's there? Alberta! Alberta who! Alberta'll be over in a minute!