Hey people - learn to spell!!! I mean my co-workers. Twitter, you guys actually do pretty well, considering half of you are probably drunk.

i told this girl at the bar that im kinda popular on twitter and she sighed for 17 minutes straight the bartender timed it

Twitter is like a dorm, someone is always up at every hour, someone is crying and someone is drunk.

Jokes about being drunk on Twitter are redundant. Maintaining a Twitter account automatically implies that you're drinking on some level.