*[At the dinner table]* "No grandma, those aren't knitting needles. We're having Chinese food"

*orders a medium pizza* *opens box* PIZZA: I've contacted your late grandmother. She wants you to know- *eats pizza*

[Ouija board] GRANDMA WHERE IS YOUR COOKIE RECIPE

Tim Cook bravely announces he's gay. The world pats his hand like a kindly grandmother. "We know, dear."