LPT: Learn the military alphabet Please learn it. It'll save you so much time on the phone. Alpha, Bravo, Charlie, Delta, Echo, Foxtrot, Golf, Hotel, India, Juliet, Kilo, Lima, Mike, November, Oscar, Papa, Quebec, Romeo, Sierra, Tango, Uniform, Victor, Whiskey, X-Ray, Yankee, and Zulu. Ever tried to spell something out and the other person mixes around letters? SNot F, S! S as in Sam! That doesn't work. Sierra, Echo, November, Delta, November, Uniform, Delta, Echo, Sierra. Works like a charm. ED…

Imagine trying to explain Captain America: Civil War to Abraham Lincoln.

Elmo: Oscar, why are you a grouch? Oscar: Growing up, my parents were- *stabs Elmo with broken beer bottle* CUZ I LIVE IN A TRASHCAN.

All is fair in drunk and war.