A Democrat wakes up after being in a year-long coma... ...and immediately calls the doctor over to his hospital bed. ""Doctor, I need to know; who won the election? Was it Sanders? Clinton?"" The doctor shakes her head. ""Let me put it this way: there's good news and there's bad news."" ""What's the bad news?"" the Democrat asks. ""Donald Trump is the President-elect, and has appointed a climate change denier as the head of the EPA, a close friend of Vladimir Putin as Secretary of State, and a b…

The FBI made a big marijuana bust recently. The took the approximately 2 tons of weed to a landfill and had it incinerated. However, the EPA stepped in and showed concern for the multitude of seagulls flying overhead. You know what their study discovered? That there was no tern left unstoned.

In the year 2005, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the United States, and said, ""Once again the earth has become wicked and overpopulated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans, thy sons and their wives."" He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, ""You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."" Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah we…

when ever yo mama farts she gets fined by the EPA for polluting.