I shot my first turkey today... ..It sure scared the hell out of everyone in the frozen food section

A guy dies and goes to Hell. He's extremely upset upon finding out where he's going, but Satan says, "Hey! Hey! Don't worry about it! Actually we get a lot of bad press. Really, it's not so bad. For example, do you like to drink?" "Well, yeah," says the man. "Great! You're going to love Mondays! All we do is drink. Every kind of liquor. Beer, wine, rum, whiskey, gin, brandy, champagne, all the best stuff. It's all free, and you can drink as much as you want, and you get all buzzed but you nev…

Three Buddhist monks die in a car crash… They arrive in a beautiful clouded world and begin to walk towards a man. He is standing in front of the golden gates of heaven. “Hello! I am Peter. Behind me, is Heaven. Unfortunately, I can’t let you in since you three weren’t Christians… But! if you can tell me what the meaning of Easter is, I will gladly open these gates for you.” The three monks look at each other and nod in agreement. Monk 1 proudly claims to Peter, “Oh! Yes! Easter! Big man, …

Mother Teresa died and went to Heaven. She found God waiting for her at the Pearly Gates. "Are you hungry?" God asked. "Yes, I could eat something," replied Mother Teresa. So God opened a can of tuna, reached for a chunk of rye bread, and they began to share it. While eating this humble meal, Mother Teresa glanced down into Hell and saw the inhabitants devouring huge steaks, chickens, lobsters and pastries. She was curious but said nothing. The next day, God again invited her to join him for a m…