*Obama approaches podium* Fellow Americans, I like cookies with raisins in them *press starts booing* They're good & healthy *Michelle nods*

Any woman with three or more exes in her city could have told Obama how to avoid Putin in Normandy.

Barack Obama and Vladimir Putin went fishing... After a couple of hours, Obama was flinging his arms around, swatting mosquitos away, while Putin sat there, watching the pond, unbothered. ""How is it, that these bloodsuckers only target my blood reserves?"" Asked Obama. ""They don't bite you at all!"" Putin smiled knowingly and replied: ""They're not allowed to"".

Obama, Putin and Merkel discuss their submarines. All three are sitting at a resort by the seaside, and are arguing. Obama begins by saying ""American submarines are the best in the world, they can go for weeks without needing supplies!"" Putin laughs and tell them ""Stupid globalists. Russian submarines are best in world, they go MONTHS without refueling."" Merkel opens her mouth to speak, when a submarine rises out of the water. A man opens the hatch and shouts ""Heil Hitler! We need fuel!""