I automatically write off anything Donald Trump says because someone with that much money has no excuse for that hair.

Kelly Ayotte says "Donald Trump is absolutely a role model for kids." She's right, kids don't pay taxes either.

There are only 2 things Donald Trump fears: 1) The world discovers he's been lying about being a billionaire, and 2) a strong wind.

Y'all know Bill, right? Bill was bragging to his boss a day ago ""You know, I know a lot of pals. A *lot*. Pick any guy, famous or not, and I probably know him."" To confront this boring boasting, his boss calls his bluff. ""Ok Bill, how about Tom Hanks?"" ""No worry boss,"" says Bill, ""Tom is an old pal of my own, I will show you"" So Bill and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Hanks's door, and Tom Hanks shouts, ""Bill! What's going on? You must sit down with us, drink a pint!"" A…