Mrs. Smith is having trouble with her husband falling asleep in church... ... and it was really embarrassing for her to be seen with him constantly nodding off. So Mrs. Smith asks the preacher before Sunday service if he has any ideas for her. He thinks about it, then hands her a pin and says, ""Every time I signal you with this gesture, poke your husband with this pin."" Mrs. Smith acknowledged his instructions and sat down with her husband for the service. Shortly into the sermon, Mr. Smith ha…

In a neighbourhood there were two little brothers, Jim and Jake... Jim was 12, and Jake was 9, and they were two little devils. They ran around stealing stuff from the neighbours, and whenever something went missing on the neighbourhood, everyone knew it was their fault. One day, after they stole somethign yet again, their mother said: ""I'm done with you two!"", and decided to call the local priest for help. He suggested that she should send Jake to the church, and there he would turn into a mo…

The Pope is teaching a Sunday school class ""Children"" begins the Pope. ""Where's Jesus today?"" Little Tommy says: ""He's in my heart."" Little Barry says: ""He's in Heaven."" Little Davey says: ""He's in our bathroom."" The surprised Pope asks Little Davey how he knows this. ""Well,"" says Little Davey, ""every day my Dad bangs on our bathroom door and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?""

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After the mass, he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, ""When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."" Next Sunday the new priest decided to take the monsignor's advice. At the beginning, he felt nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon returning to his office, he found a note on the…