The Wire Brush An Army officer decides to inspect soldiers recovering in one of the field hospitals he commands. He marches into one of the tents, goes up to the first private he sees and barks, ""What's your affliction, private?"" Standing at attention, ""Venereal warts, SIR!"" He then asks, ""And what treatment are you getting?"" ""Five minutes with the wire brush every day, SIR!"" Finally he asks, ""And what's your ambition, soldier?"" ""To get back to the frontline, SIR!"" He goes up to the…

A cop pulls over a man for speeding... ""Sir."" He begins. ""You were recorded going 100 miles an hour, can you tell me why?"" ""Well officer."" The man says. ""Yesterday my wife ran away with a cop."" The cop is confused. ""What's that got to do with anything."" ""I thought you were him trying to give her back.""

A man dies and arrives in heaven... ...and finds himself in a short line of men waiting to speak with St. Peter before entering the magnificent gilded gates of heaven. St. Peter addresses them: ""Welcome to Heaven! You were all good people, that is why you are here. But no one is all good, or all bad, and some of our policies reflect this and try to strike a balance. Before you enter heaven, I will be assigning each of you a vehicle based upon your fidelity in your relationship with your wife. W…

Artie wants to join the Mafia So Artie goes to the Mafia and asks if he can join. Big Joe, Head Mafia, replies with,""You must kill a man with a sniper with no hesitations."" Artie takes a big gulp and says, ""I'm on it sir."" He comes back to Big Joe and has proof that he completed his mission. ""Good job Artie! Now you must kill a woman any way you want without any hesitations."" Artie takes a big gulp and says,""I'm on it sir."" Artie comes back with proof that he killed a woman. ""Good job A…