"Daddy, I want to watch Dora." Sweetie this is Dora. It's the one where she plays an NBA basketball game against the Brooklyn Nets

Mitt Romney has decided not to run for president. In other news, I have decided not to become a billionaire or play in the NBA.

Glad the NBA lockout is over. That was like the worst thing that happened to black people, ever.

[on a business trip to South Carolina] Nice to meet you. I'm from Philadelphia. "Welcome to the United States."