An antelope goes into a bar. He trots up to the bartender because he's excited to be at a bar but he doesn't gallop because the bar has hardwood flooring and he doesn't want to scuff it with his hooves and also because he's cautious since he has trouble stopping quickly on hardwood floors. When he gets to the bar, he notices the bartender is an electric guitar! The antelope's name is Lupe because his mom thought it would be funny to call him her little antiLupe but she was a drug addict and Lupe…

Bill and Ted were at a bar... Bill asked, ""Hey where's Dave? Why isn't he here tonight?"" ""Dave is dead,"" said Ted. ""How?"" Ted said, ""Well, he was supposed to pick me up, but when he got to my house, he hit my Ferrari in the driveway, flew through his own windshield, and crashed through my kitchen window."" ""What a terrible way to die!"" ""Well, no, that didn't kill him. He tried to get up off of my kitchen floor, and he grabbed the handle of my refrigerator door for balance, but the frid…

Jack A husband rushes into the emergency room from work to greet his wife who is giving birth to their first born. He helps all he can; he holds his wife's hand and breathes with her through the pain. The doctor claims to see the head. The husband runs around and watches as this bloody, mess of a human being comes out... However, the doctor pulls out a head. Just a head. The husband jumps in confusion. The wife is silent in shock. The doctor has never seen anything like it. Just when the married…

(Long)A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas.... The banks offered a reward for his capture, dead or alive, but offered a much larger award for the recovery of the stolen funds. An enterprising Texas Ranger decided to track him down. After a long and difficult search, he traced the bandit to his home town. On a hunch, he checked the town's cantina, and sure enough, there was the robber. The only other people in the bar were the b…