[kidnapper hands wife phone] "brent" BABY IM COMIN *kidnapper takes back phone but she can hear me yelling* IS THE HAM IN THE FRIDGE EXPIRED

what if all your eggs hatched and when u opened the fridge a dozen baby chicks were staring up at u like u were their mom

Sometimes I see a baby and think "Aww, I want one!" Then I find my TV remote in the fridge again and think "Yeah, maybe I'm not ready."

In Finland when a baby is born you just whip a bunch of magnetic letters at the fridge and that's its name.